Simian Farmer

Simon of Space

I mentioned it in passing a couple weeks ago, but it merits another plug:

Go and read the regularly updated blog-novel aptly titled Simon of Space.  It has, "...romance, action, humour and all the whiz-bang special effects you can get without actually making a movie."  That's according to the author himself, in an unwontedly unbiased unreview of his own work to date.

Catch it while it's still in its fledgling state.  Not unlike a phoenix rising from its own ashes, the story has just taken flight and the scope of the whole 'thing' seems about to biggify.  Get caught in the wake, why don't you, and enjoy it as much as I have so far.  I like to pretend it's a story of an alternate version of me in a universe that just didn't quite make it to the current reality.  Or a future me that's destined to be.

Hit the link above or the one I included in my list of People I know (of) on the left sidebar.  And remember never to end sentences with prepositions.  That's just bad grammar.

Word

Thanks Paul.

One word

Please leave a one word comment that you think best describes me.

It can only be one word.  No more.

Then copy and paste this into your journal so that I may leave a word about you...

Little late for June

New page banner for the month is finally up, a week late.  But my excuse here is that I was on holidays for the latter half of May and didn't get back to wasting time at work until yesterday.  Uh, never mind about that last bit.

And I have all the old ones stored for your viewing pleasure here.

What if...

Lissa, a funky gal who likes stuff... and junk, pegged me for this little endeavour.

Pick five items from the list below and write about them. 
My comments are below, my snide remarks are in italics.

If I could be a musician.
If I could be a farmer. (I am... a Simian Farmer)
If I could be a psychologist.
If I could be a lawyer.
If I could be a missionary.  (I actually prefer the... never mind)
If I could be a gardener.
If I could be a painter.
If I could be an architect.
If I could be a doctor.
If I could be a linguist.  (I am a cunning linguist)
If I could be a writer.
If I could be a professor.  (I would have done it with Ginger)
If I could be an athlete.
If I could be a justice on any court in the world.
If I could be a world famous blogger. (Baby steps)
If I could be married to any current world politician.
If I could be a scientist.  (I'd be Stephen Hawking; but bionic!)
If I could be an actor.
If I could be a chef.
If I could be an innkeeper.
If I could be an agent.

And to respond:

If I could be an athlete...
I'd love to get paid to be a professional squash player.  My passion for that game is only now matched by the degree to which I lament the fact that I've not picked up a racquet in almost a year and a half.  Domestic responsibilities, and joys, necessitate certain other sacrifices.  Squash was one.  For now.

If I could be an agent...
I'd be secret agent Double-Oh-Se7en.  The best one - the Sean Connery version.  I'd travel all around the world with a license to thrill, getting to play with cool gadgets and scoring with the ladies.  I'd hop into bed with a different dame in every non-democratic rebellious state hell-bent on destroying America, and at just the right time I'd whisper in her ear, "Reverify distance to target... one ping only, please."

If I could be married to any current world politician...
I'd elect to be married to George W. Bush.  Though I am demonstrably heterosexual, I'd be willing to take one up the ol' dirt road just to see the righteous outrage that would suffuse his nation and topple him faster than Belinda Stronach 'dropping her napkin' under the table at 24 Sussex Drive.

There.

Oh, and I'm getting rather excited that in twelve hours I will be boarding a jet plane to go on vacation.  weeeeee!!!

Tard times 2

Paul commented:

Well, I don't know about 'tard,' but whatever it is you are pointing at, it is clear that you don't 'get it.' Hopefully, it isn't your wife.

No, it wasn't my wife.  It was taken the first day of my Montreal Stag Party Trip in May 2003.  (Dubbed by my friends: The Rickshaw to Moosejaw.  So dubbed since I was clueless about the destination until we arrived at the Calgary airport Friday morning.)

And no, I didn't get it.  It was a look of incredulity regarding a certain fashion statement found on a street corner.  Please note the pant cuffs:

I look like a tard

Dear internet,

One of your denizens has taken exception to my physical appearance, and I seek further insights.

In regards to a previous post of mine that focused on Pope Benedict XVI, link here, an innocent commenter by name of Josh had this to say:

If u make fun of how people look u should take your pic down u look like a tard.

To which my Emailed rejoinder was:

Dear Josh,

Thank you for the advice regarding how I look.  I will take it under advisement.  I regularly change the picture of myself on the web page, so please do check back sometime in the future to see if my new photo is more to your liking.

But I must disagree with your assertion that I was making fun of how people look.  It was intended more along the lines of a socio-political commentary, loosely based on the new pope's reputation of taking a hard-line stance on certain contentious issues.  At no place in that particular post was I poking fun at the physical appearance of Pope Benedict XVI; I was merely comparing it to that of the dark lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious.  Any inferences you make after that point are your own.

Again, thank you for your commentary and have a pleasant weekend!

Best,
Simon

My concern here is that others who happen upon this website harbour similar sentiments about my appearance.  Being the narcissistic bastard that I am, I am concerned. 

So...

If you are reading this and think that my posted photo (as at Thursday, 12th May 2005) makes me look like a 'tard', please let me know.  I won't be able to sleep at night until I get this cleared up.

Thank you.

Where in the world are you?

Wanna let me know where, exactly, you're from when you come here?

Check out the interactive map that you can 'pin' your location on down there on the right hand sidebar.  The one that says 'Place your pin, Bravenet guest maps'.

Go on, let me know where you're from.  You know you want to.

Superficiality

Dear Internet,

I have brought it to my own attention that there has been something of a dearth of poignant posting here of late.  As soon as I made myself aware of this, I reeled, aghast.

Star Wars and random linking and funny stuff and getting stung on the tip of my thumb are all well and good, but it doesn't get down to the core of the Simian, as it were.

I keep a document saved on my computer where I jot down the ideas I'd like to expound upon a little further in this here space.  I've got six solid ideas written down there, clamouring to be cloaked in verbosity.  I intend for them to start emerging into the light of day, as gladiators into the Colosseum, properly accoutred, in the near future.

To some degree, I plead an excessive amount of time spent working; I took my laptop home last night and spent a couple hours on it after the boy was put to bed.  I'm still averaging over 50 hours a week, so endeavour to incorporate some writing when and where I can: not nearly as much as I'd like.

Perhaps I'll start with telling you, internet, about the time I was bear-hugging my company's CEO in the men's bathroom at work.  That was an interesting experience.

So, sorry internet, I'll get better at shedding the chaff and getting more to the core of the matter.

I've also had a really cool Email discussion with a friend of mine in Ottawa regarding a religious post I made a short while back.  Hopefully, he'll let me publish the bulk of that; it was really a cool discussion that didn't get us any farther at the end than where we had started at the beginning.  Typical of religious discussions.

Respectfully,
Simon

PS - if you really want to get some hits on your site these days, just inundate a couple posts with 'Pope Palpatine'.  More than 80% of my hits the past week or so have come from being googled on that.

Banner time

It's a week early, but I've changed the masthead image of the site for the month of May.

This is due largely to the fact that the image shown is very near the top of my list of favourite pictures of my son.  It was last week, out on the back patio in front of our bricked-in barbeque.  We've only just recently begun taking the squirt to roam outside, the weather being a little more accommodating now than it has been.

It was so nice that I found two hours on Saturday to rake and bag our front lawn, and then two more hours on Sunday to rake and bag our back lawn.  22 Big Orange Garbage Bags. 

I also found out that I have oblique muscles.  ...ouch...

What? A bandwagon! Wait for me!

Survey Reveals Americans Support Blog Censorship

A new survey has revealed that Americans overwhelmingly support strong censorship for blogs, even though a substantial amount have never actually been to one. Eighty percent of the 2,500 respondents did not believe that bloggers should be allowed to publish home addresses and other personal information about private citizens. However, more than one-third of respondents had never heard of blogs before participating in the survey, and only around 30 percent of participants had actually visited a blog themselves.

Via slashdot.