And our first number one hit would be, "Dangling Participles"

I got a little unbent at my wife the other night.  Nothing that Amy did, I just needed to vent a little and she was sitting innocently at the kitchen table, ready to absorb a random barrage of Simon's venial annoyances.  It had to do with music.

I think there's finally a song extant to usurp Alanis Morissette's long-held number one position atop my list of Worst Grammatical Offenders in music.  I don't even know what the name of the goddamn thing is, and I can't be bothered to spend the five minutes it would take to search the thing on teh internets.  It's that annoying to me.

I don't even know what most of the lyrics are, even though I've heard it a couple dozen times on the radio.  That's because I can't get out of my head the part that scrapes its fingernails down the chalkboard of my English pedantry. 

The very short bit goes thus: "Are we human... or are we dancer?"

That's it.  That's all I can recall from the song.  On top of that, the singer performs it in a voice that is a sort of soporific lament to existential angst, which only exacerbates the grammatical travesty.  The combination of those two factors makes me want to jam a sharpened No. 2 pencil into each ear and burn Stephen King books to keep alive my guttering hatred for blatant language abuses in the name of art.  (Nothing against King's books; his name just goes well with the pencil-in-ear scenario.)

Referring to "we" as a single dancer somehow grates against my entire being, and I can't quite place why that is.  "Dancer" should be plural, obviously.  Dancers.  Then the line would scan just fine.  "We" can all be human, speaking about mankind as a race.  Or "we" can be humans, individually.  Either of those is fine.  But "we" can only ever be dancers; we can never be dancer.

If I ever start up a rock band, I plan to call it "Strunk & White".

*****

OK, fine, I looked it up on YouTube. 

Comments

[Moksha Gren]

I don't know, Si. I would assume they are making a deliberate grammatical error to bring attention the the great singularity that is humanity. Leave it to you to turn such a beautiful sentiment into an attack against the artist. You are such a pendants.

That said, it really should be "are we A dancer." On second thought, you're right...that is a stupid song.

[Émilie B]

You know I sort of liked that Ironic song before you made fun of it and now the true-ishness of your opinion about it has ruined for me.

[Émilie B]

But it's ok.

[Paul]

Oh...well...here's your problem. Your wife's listening to The Killers. Tell her to grow some taste.

[Mark]

Now I'm going to have to listen to the song in question. I think I don't like it already, but I'm keeping an open mind. Here I go to the link.

[Mark]

I like the tune. If they're saying "dancer," then it sucks. If they're saying "denser," then it doesn't suck quite as badly.

[andi]

You know, I generally like the Killers. I'm not sure if I can forgive them for this, though. I don't take grammatical infractions lightly.

[Dave]

Yeah, there's a few songs like that for me... can't get them out of my head and I hate them! Go figure.

[Paula]

You're not alone in your perturbation. I think you'll enjoy the review of their show: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/LAC.20081120.KILLERS20/TPStory/?query=killers+review

[Toni]

Almost completely forgettable, like the Petshop Boys without a point. If only the lyrics had been mixed a little lower you'd never have had a problem.

[marian]

Simon, where are you?

[Jay]

Hehe, I just love that someone else on this planet could be just as bothered about it as I am.

[James Graham]

First off it has been about 2 years since I've perused your site, and ironic that I was instantly in argument with you. I actually really enjoy the song in question. I would like to say that the following argument was mine, but I found it on another blog in my attempts to search out a proper response to your comments.

Voila:

Poetry often breaks the confines of grammar and punctuation. To believe that Flowers just made an accidental grammatical error or that he somehow ruined the song by saying “dancer” is akin to saying that e e cummings ruined all his poetry because he didn’t use capitals.

Flowers doesn’t say “Are we humans” He says “Are we human” the singular version of human is used commonly in English as an adjective. He has then deftly utilizes this construct and applies it to the word dancer.

We don’t normally see the word used this way in English, and because of this — the turning of the word from a noun to an adjective to be “dancer” — we’re forced to more carefully analyze what it means to be “dancer.” It is a description of all those who follow along without critical thought to why they move as they do, metaphorically and literally. It calls to mind the dehumanization of society. We no longer feel as much as we used to. There is less compassion in the world. We have become so digital that human interaction is no longer a must in our society, and hence we have in essence become without a heartbeat, our hands cold and our sensibilities systematic.

If he were to have said “dancers” people would not have even thought twice about the significance of the main line in the song and they would have said, “Oh yes, dancers, those people who go up on stage, what a pretty song.” Instead we get all of this lovely discussion on websites where people might for a moment look to their lives and ask the question,

“Am I human or am I dancer?”

[celebrity tube]

Great hit! Score!

[YtLINDA]

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