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Thursday, 10 April 2008



The PB (permanent boyfriend) and I were watching some show and in it, the husband did something akin to what you're doing in this post, and from watching his wife's face, I blurted that he was gonna get some extra nookie. I can't see your wife's reaction but I think this will have that result. Bravo. It's not every guy who can work the asshole angle, so to speak. :D

Moksha Gren

Personally, I blame your asshole-ish-ness on your lack of blogging. I mean, how can you possibly find your inner joy without a constant connection to your online friends. I should know. I've only posted three posts this year...and just ask my wife what kind of asshole I've been of late ;)

The situations you describe are tough ones. Easy to deal with in small doses such that those on the outside tend to look at you as if you are over-reacting. Which you are, sortof, but the constant drum beat of these small issues wears down the armor until the occasional asshole explosion (not to confused with an assplosion) in inevitable. You have to constantly remember not to let the little things get to you...and that's just impossible every minute of every day.

It's just good that you have Amy there to snap you out of it. And Auchentoshan to help you analyze it. And this blog to help you vent it. And a vacation in a mere 28 days where you will be surrounded by friends who completely understand where you're coming from on this one, you asshole.


I'm pretty sure you just summed up the feelings of thousands, hundreds of thousands, and maybe even millions of fathers all over the free world (I say "free world," because in countries that aren't free the men typically subjugate the women and engage in neither the nurturing of children nor the washing of dishes).

I know I feel that way sometimes, anyway, and we have only the one child. I've become much better at not internalizing my family life concerns, and that has helped tremendously. My job worries? I've not been quite as good at letting all that out, until night before last when I vented at about 1 a.m. after 1) discovering the dog had pissed on the carpet rather than the backyard during a severe storm, and 2) hitting my head on a shelf while bending up from soaking up said piss.

It's just those little things that trigger an onslaught of "Yeah, well, sometimes my daytime life sucks, too, you know?" For me, it's generally because I try not to worry my wife too much. She does that enough on her own. Of course, her reaction was, "Why didn't you tell me any of this before?"

Ah, the joys of balancing it all. May is coming, brother! Let's release the steam together!


Jen-No nookie. not this week anyway...
It is all in the waves of daily living. There is a trend with the asshole inside Simon. I know when it is coming and I know when it is leaving. It just seems like I need to say that your inner asshole is coming out for you to realize it. If it makes you feel better, I don't envy you at all. Working full time and coming home to two boys who won't leave you alone until they go to bed and a house that needs some TLC and a wife that has her own thing to do as soon as dinner is over. There is also the financial aspect of life that you being the only one employed in this household with a wife and two kids to support. That is a lot on one mans shoulders. However. If you feel that you don't spend enough time with me now what are you going to do when I start my new job??? It will help you with a bit of the financial stuff but you are not going to see me any more than you do... Life has been pretty convenient with me home and that is going to change here ASAP!!!

Émilie B

Like Mark has said, this will all resonate to a LOT of people. I know Frank and I have both been more snappy than usual in the weeks following the second child's birth, and prone to small bursts of anger, but it seems to be getting better of late. It's a good trick of Amy's, if she has the knack of outlining the issue directly and not turn things into an argument.

And have a good time on vacation. Sounds like there will be efforts to clear away some couple time from parent time during that period...



Thanks for the note, and don't be a stranger if you want to come back again! My whole life revolves around the potential for extra nookie. (Well, not really, but it's sometimes fun to play the part.)


My lack of blogging is just your own excuse for not doing the same. Asshole. I don't need to ask your wife what kind you are! *ahem* You're right, though, in that it's allowing the little things to pile up the way they do and then reacting the way *I* typically do. God bless a wee dram (or not-so-wee) of Auchentoshan to sometimes take the edge off.


I don't begin to believe that my experience is in any way a unique one. But it does feel better to vent a little. Probably part of why I can relate to you so easily is the alarming similarity not only in our relative situations (though by no means identical) but also in our means of expressing ourselves. May IS coming, thank goodness.

Amy (darling),

Thank you for pointing out my inner asshole when it's needed most. I think we both do a pretty good job of respecting the role we each fill in our little domestic heaven. Yes, it will change soon when you start working (for pay), but I know we can accommodate the change.


It comes and goes in waves, like you and Amy have pointed out. I really am looking forward to my little vacation. In a sort of "I'm going away so I can miss you" way. Good for everyone.

Jayson Merryfield

Isn't it a funny byplay in everyday married life, where sometimes you just want your own space (just another hour hon, honest, I've almost got this level finished and then I'm coming to bed) and sometimes it's all you can do to get some good quality time (really, I'll watch American Idol with you, just ignore my snide comments). And how too many waves in this little zen pool we've built up can really bring out the worst in us?

Thanks for reaffirming for me that married life is pretty damn good, even when it's pretty tough sledding.


Si - Originality not needed when venting. Nobody would ever be able to express feelings at all if that were the case.

You said what all those others keep stuffing down, was my basic point (if I even had one), and said it better than most could have.

Moksha Gren

I won't deny it. Your blog bog has done wonders to alieviate any guilt I would have otherwise felt about my own lack of content. Not that your slow down has come near my full-on stopage, but it helped. I'll assume you did that just to make me feel better.

While I am sorry to hear that you are feeling stressed of late, I can say that I truly appriciate your honesty here. Mark and you both have this quality about your writing. It's not just that you are both in situations similar to mine, but that you are so open about the often unflattering details. They might not be the most original thoughts, but they are always well written and they certainly are comforting...to me at least.


Simon -
I notice mostly just guys are chiming in with you here, but I too can identify with your feelings... and your spouse's helpful way of pointing out when they are getting out of control. My hubby tends to be a bit more oblique, though. He raises his eyebrows, tips his chin down, and asks if I might be getting hungry. Apparently I'm a bear when not fed regularly:)


I'd just like to add that what you have so eloquently written applies to us working females as well as you males. You have expressed some of what I've been feeling myself of late. Especially after our second. Compounded by the fact that the vacation I was so desperately waiting for this week was eaten up completely with sick kids at home (and not at the daycare, as planned).

It's comforting knowing one is not alone. Great post!


Yesterday, while this was all posted, we were receiving a foot of snow with 50 mph winds, so I had no internet. When I was a working mother with a young child I felt the same way coming home to my "second shift." I think that after a while you get over expecting the evenings to be anything but more work until you fall into bed exhausted and get up to do it all again.

Not to downplay how tough it all is raising kids the way we do, in such an isolated fashion, with no real community... but it helps to remember that it could be sooooo much worse. That's something that dawns when one of the kids has an accident or gets really sick and everything takes a nosedive. Or when one of you is suddenly completely out of commission for a period of time and you begin to long for the good old days.

Then, being able to come home from work and do the dishes seems like a luxury. I try to look at the day to day that way, which helps me focus more on the half full part of the glass.

Not to induce guilt, but to trick my mind into a different focus.


Ya really have to wonder though.... had you said the exact same thing to her, how she would have taken it... (and if you'd still be alive today to blog about it!) *LOL*

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