The long arm of an evil genius

When it comes to practical jokes, I've never been had quite like this before.

Check out the picture below, then read on for the rest.

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For those who don't have their 'chicken scratch' Rosetta Stone handy, the translation goes:

The Gren
Was Here!!

Simon pauses, stunned by the seemingly infinite reach of this far away creature.

"How did...?" he begins, but words fail him.  "Best not to question," he concludes.  "Perhaps I wouldn't sleep well tonight if I knew..."

[cue spooky music]

Your friend
Moksha Gren

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Now, Moksha Gren is the insidiously clever moniker of a friend and fellow blogger who hails from St. Louis, Missouri.  (Knowing where he lives is important here.)

You see, that note up there is in his very own handwriting.  I know this, and my wife knows this, because of other, postal, correspondence that has transpired between us.  (It's also important that I mention my wife knows Moksha's handwriting.)

What happened Tuesday morning was one of the strangest things I can recall in recent memory.  My wife called me on my cell phone while I was at work.  That's fairly normal.  What was NOT normal was her tone of voice.

"Simon... is there any reason you can think of, or that you know of, that your friend, uh, Mokker..., uh, Moksher... you know, that Gren guy, would actually be here in Edmonton?"

Now, as you can imagine, a conversation starting off this way would strike me as unco strange, as they say in the highlands.  I said no, there is no reason for Moksha to be here, knowing as I did how busy he was at work, especially these past few weeks.  At work, I hasten to add, in St. Louis, Missouri.  There are 2,400 kilometres between the two cities, as the crow files.  1,500 miles.

Which is also an important factor in this scenario, for one very simple reason:

Amy found this note taped to our front door Tuesday morning upon her return from some running around.

Let's pause here for a second and identify the knowns:

1. That note was in Moksha's writing.
2. It was taped to the front door of our house by someone -- not mailed.
3. I know Moksha's NOT in Edmonton at this time.
4. Our two cities are too far apart to make a quick run.
5. He doesn't personally know anyone, anywhere near where I live.

These things I know.

Stumped, I decided to call the bugger at work on his cell phone to find out just how in the hell he pulled that off.  As soon as he answered, I didn't say hello but accused him with the question: "Are you stalking my wife?" 

The conversation got more interesting from there.

You see, about a month ago, Mr. Gren was Reverend Gren for a day, with powers bestowed by the state, when he conducted the wedding ceremony for two long time friends.  This wedding took place in Iowa (pretty close to Missouri, and worth travelling to if your friends ask you to marry them for you; I can't say whether it's worth travelling to otherwise, never having been there myself, though the name rolls past the lips pleasantly enough -- IOWA!), but other friends and family flew in from all over the place to bear witness to this sacred, civil union.

One such couple just happened to hail from Edmonton, Alberta.

Reverend Gren had never met this couple before the wedding, but that didn't stop him from enlisting their aid in the nefarious plan that hatched, fully formed, in his unholy brain.  He scratched out the note there, on the spot, and asked a total stranger to take it, carry it back with her to Canada, hold it close to her bosom for a month or so, and then steal away across the city to the house of (to her) another total stranger, and there place it conspicuously on the front door, to elicit the exact response it so obviously did.

What really blows me away is that the last step should never have worked.  My wife is nearly always home with the boys.  We have three huge windows in our living room that look out on the approaching street and our driveway.  It is only purest coincidence that nobody was home during that one hour to witness the act of taping by some strange woman.

Truly, the planets were aligned for this to succeed.  Well played, sir.  I applaud you.  There will be retribution.

Comments

[Mark]

Quite the prank, Moksha. I mean, Gren.

I like the other version of the story, too. Not quite as steeped in storytelling bravado, but fun to see from another perspective. I happened to read it there first.

I hope the person who posted the note will get at least a "thank you," if the Gren still has contact information.

[Moksha Gren]

Thanks for the translation. I'm not sure I would have ben able to read that jumble of random markings...and I wrote it. Man, that's embarrassing.

The only thing I would have changed about this whole thing is I really wished I hadn't been so clueless when you called. I would have played it differently had I known the letter had been posted that day. You caught me at a particualrly brain-dead moment, I'm afraid.

Anyway, I'm thrilled that you and Amy had fun trying to figure out the mystery. I look forward to whatever retribution you think you can throw my way.

Also, I added a little update on the bottom of the "Rev Gren" story that points out the temporarily deputized gren in case you want to put a face to the remote arm of this evil genius.

And to my wonderful helper in this (since I know she'll be checking here to see the fall-out) see..I told you you wouldn't get in trouble for posting a semi-threatening letter to a stranger's door ;)Thank you so much for playing along.

[Émilie B]

So it turns out it was the helper who did the stalking and quickly acted on Amy's departure? That's much less spooky ;)

[Cheeseburger Brown]

Dear Simon,

Well now, I do believe an arms race has begun. After all, how can one let this slip by without attempting to respond in kind or, worse, to top it?

Love,
Cheeseburger Brown

[Panache]

Moksha and Simon

Might I just say that I thoroughly enjoy your posts. You two should collaborate on a book. It would be fantastic. Of Harry Potter fame even! Your imagination exceeds anything I have encountered. I am a little worried that my daughter is connected to the likes of you. But,she is grown up and she'll just have to take care of herself.

Simon, Iowa IS a beautiful place. It is farming country, but trees and rivers add so much. We live on the Mississippi like Moksha and Moonshot. However, the Mississippi is much, much better 200 miles north of them. You should really visit sometime. You might pass right thru on your way to ST. Louis.

KEEP IT UP!

[Sarah]

Evil genius indeed. Love it!