Anatomy of a stag party

I think I was about 21 when I went to my first stag party.  The groom and his wife are still together and doing well, with two girls nearly eight and six years old.  Leading up to the wedding, in somewhat stereotypical fashion, the groom didn't crave much input into the details of the wedding.  His only non-negotiable terms were that his 1980s Han Solo and Princess Leia action figures were to be used as the cake topper, and that the post-vow processional out of the hall would be to the strains of Darth Vader's march. 

That man knew where his priorities were at.

The past decade and more has shown me that stag parties evolve as the participating fellows age and, ostensibly, mature.

 

A few observations triggered by this past weekend, on the difference in stags held in one's early 20s versus mid-30s:

1. It's really awkward going to the peeler bar in a group comprised of more than one discernible generation.  Moral platitudes and propriety aside, the crushing reality thinly veiled behind the veneer of physical objectification presented at such establishments is rudely ripped from the curtain rod when you go with your dad.  Or your best friend's dad.  Or you go with a group of friends after class at university and accidentally run into your dad - attending his co-worker's stag party - and you realise you told him you were studying for finals.  (You know... I'm just sayin'.)

I'm rather glad that there was none of that this weekend.  The subject came up about going to a gentlemen's club, but Herr Groom opted for more Ryan Coke and karaoke, and we were all totally down with that.

2. There was a sort of smaller pre-stag barbeque on Friday afternoon, and when I got to my buddy's house there was a Post-It note on the front door reading, "Come on in."  When the real stag started up at the same house Saturday evening that same note was there, but it had been modified to read, "Come on in (mofo's!)"

Of course my first thought as I strode across the threshold was that should be plural, not possessive!

3. With the rare exception, every man present on the weekend was, to some degree or other, in a committed relationship.  And every man had a cell phone.  AND!  At least once, every man could be found chatting quietly to the other half of that relationship.  Not a single guy bitched about being 'checked up on'.  (Some made the call themselves!)

(Uh, I was asked, at about a quarter past midnight, to stop by the 7-11 to pick up some milk, since we were out and would need some for breakfast.  I know you were wondering.)

4. A stag party populated by geeks is a startling thing at times.  Unencumbered by our tolerantly loving and far less geeky counterparts, discussion wended its way toward the tragic discontinuation of Dragon Magazine fully as much as attention did toward the copy of Maxim floating about with Lacey Chabert on the cover.  I didn't realise she was that young chick from Party of Five.  (Holy crap... did SHE grow up!)

What was worse (um, yeah) was when some bit of geek couture eluded the perceptions of one member in conversation, who had to show his ignorance, or lose track of the conversation.  Either way, the smack-down was almost always a reverberating, "You just got AD&D'd!!"

That, to me, is both really, really funny, and really sort of sad.  But way more with the funny.

5.  We hit upon a wonderful idea this time around: two entertainment centres going at the same time!  Past stag parties nearly devolved into fights over whether to plug in the karaoke or the Xbox.  (The fights never coalesced since nobody brought any dice and we couldn't roll initiative to see who got to attack first.  You probably think I'm joking.)

But this time, we set up the karaoke in the basement and the Xbox360 in the living room and everybody was happy.  I think I'd like Guitar Hero a lot more if the unit were set up for a lefty.  I hear you can do it, but that would have inconvenienced everyone else.

6.  Nearly every single man there took the time to use our hosts computer to check his email / Facebook profile / surf for Youtube videos at least once.  Let me say this: at two o'clock in the morning, there is nothing in the world quite as funny as a sheep who's had a skull mask put over his head and trots around the pen scaring the living crap out of all the other sheep.

7.  Not a single man passed out or was forced to reverse his gastrointestinal processes.  Many of us drove home.  I ended the night lounging on the sofa in the basement, keeping company with the groom, and serenading the rest of the house with the sweet strains of Elvis Presley.  Two microphones and a full disk of the King's music.

I'm accustomed to ending evenings like that hoarse from shouting at the bar, not from crooning soulfully to Love Me Tender.

**********

On an unrelated but still musical note, I have to share a video of Pearl Jam's Yellow Ledbetter, with lyrics captioned completely in mondegreens.  It's worth the view just for the part about "Make me fries..."

Comments

[Mark]

Great account of a truly geeky bachelor party. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Mondegreens are one of my favorite forms of language blunders. Songs, especially, are fun.

One of the most popular search terms leading people to my blog is "Reverend Blue Jeans," so I'm pretty sure a lot of people are trying to figure out what the heck Neil Diamond is saying in that song.

Now, excuse me while I kiss this guy.

[Moksha Gren]

Finally..the full story behind the drunken emails you were sending Friday night ;)

Sadly...I've never been to a stag/bachelor party that wasn't that geeky. Perhaps it's my circle of friends ;)

No..I take that back...my brother's memphis trip was supposed to be a mobile bachelor party prior to the break-up. So even that one tornado of debauchery can't really be claimed. Plus..Duke and I snuck away form most of the rawdiness to take in tourist sites...truly geeky.

Half the parties I go recently devolve into geeky discussions of whether or not, and I quote, "the Star Trek uniforms from the OS and TNG are 'similar'" Imagine a heated debate about the exact definition of "similar" before the discussion was cut short by a heated Magic: The Gathering tournement. Sigh.

Yea for Guitar Hero! Yea for scary sheep!! And a surprising yea for Lacey Chabert...who knew?

[TerriTorial]

See.....my hubby and friends have NOT matured yet apparently. Last party hubby was at, they were out in a farm field at 3 am trying to steal a goat.

[Émilie B]

lol, thanks for the laugh, Si.

I can count on the fingers of one hand the people of my generation I know who have gotten married - truly a dwindling tradition around here. This means, unfortunately, that we loose the accompanying bachelor/bachelorette parties. Heh.

[Moksha Gren]

Also...had never heard the phrase "peeler bar" before. I that a commonly used phrase there or just a clever term you used?

[Simon]

Mark, don't take this the wrong way, but give that guy a kiss for me too.

Moksha, not all my stag parties have been so geeky. There's been a definite trend away from the debauchery and toward the degeekery. (There really *ought* to be at least a little debauchery though. A definite Yay! for Lacey Chabert.)

In regards to the "peeler bar," it's a term I've grown up with, in a manner of speaking. Along with other euphemisms. My wife always called it "the ballet," and in covert situations, my circle of friends had once gotten in the habit of referring to it as "Wendy's."

Terri, what the heck do you do with a goat after you've stolen it?

Émy, just because you're not getting married (officially) is no excuse not to party like you are. It would be a sad thing not to have a bachelor(ette) party where appropriate. They're frequently much better when they're inappropriate. My wife never asked me about mine, and I never asked her about hers. We're fantastically happy together.

[TerriTorial]

After you get it? I prefer not to know thank you very much.

[Jayson Merryfield]

I think peeler bar might be an Edmonton turn of phrase, similar to bunnyhug in Saskatchewan. The ballet was pretty popular too, when discussing these things around younger cousins.

One of the mondegreens that always makes me laugh isn't really a mondegreen - it's flat out my wife's inability to remember the words to "Lovers in a Dangerous Time". She always sings it a "Lovers from a Dangerous Time", which constantly reminds me of a bad Star Trek episode. Oh well, such is life, I suppose.

Jayson

[despedidasoltero]

Informative content, In bachelor party you can drink all night but between the beer and the strippers, wouldn't it be fun to have a few bachelor party games such as Despedida Soltero.