An apoplexy of whimsy

Intriguingly, Mike (from Cambridgeshire in the UK) belatedly chimed in on this post wherein I briefly rehashed my week spent alone, at home, while my wife and sons visited her family five hours south of us.

I've never had any contact with the fellow before now, and I'm inclined to assume neither has he spent much time perusing any of what I've said here, other than to follow a link from another site, and subsequently misinterpret what I said.

I find it vastly amusing.

Here's his comment in full:

Yawn... do you insinuate infidelity as a ploy to draw in readers? ...pathetic. If you are cheating on your wife its just a matter of time until she finds out and leaves you - taking your two children with her. You won't feel so clever then. On the other hand if you aren't cheating on your wife surely you have some more interesting things in your life to make you feel readable? (Things that show a little more respect for your children and the woman who gave birth to them for you)

I had to re-read the post to figure out what the hell he was getting at.  My first paragraph read:

Unsurprisingly, it took a fraction of the time to get reacquainted with my returned family Friday evening as it did to settle in to the unfamiliar embrace of Solitude when she usurped their place the preceding Sunday.  I cast my gaze back at her a little longingly when Amy pulled up in the driveway, having braved a five hour drive made over eight hours, exacerbated and elongated by the blowing snow and treacherous conditions that prevailed for the first half of her trip.  But my temporary mistress cannot live easily beside my mate, so I let the former go.

I don't know if Mike thought I was sleeping around with some chick named Solitude, but what I was attempting to imply was that as an introvert I place a lot of value on time alone.  (Metaphor, baby!)  When you pause to consider that I have a wife and two sons under the age of three, that time alone is infrequent, hard-won, and highly valued when attained.  I hate to see it go, much as I love spending time with my family.

The timing of this is convenient because I commented last week on another site in regards to an anonymous visitor who left the impression of a drive-by shooting, which happens quite a lot on blogs.  Surf past a post, RAT-A-TAT-TAT with a few choice words, and peel off in a cloud of fulmination, leaving quizzical eyebrows fluttering in one's wake.  It seems to be what Mike did here.

My observation then was that those sorts of comments reveal little more than great swathes of ignorance in the person who writes them.  I don't mean that as a pejorative, but rather a simple lack of knowledge.  To infer what that person did, in the same way as what it appears Mike is doing here, is simply wrong-headed.  Making spurious judgements based on a dearth of information, and in the end coming off (in the eyes of the author at least) as a bit of an ass.

To insinuate, in me, a lack of respect for my children and the woman who bore them is so utterly ludicrous as to be laughable.  I can pronounce 'infidelity', but that's as close as my association comes.  Like I said, I do find this rather amusing.

My own habit when coming across new websites where I have the option to leave a comment is normally to lurk for a while to get a feel for the place before saying anything, or start out by making a courteous introduction and building a rapport.  Much the same way as in a real life conversation.  I'm not inclined to walk up to an engaged group of socialites and accuse them of being soulless pornographers on account of overhearing one of them mention something about an engorged labia.  They could be gynaecologists for all I know.  And then wouldn't that be embarrassing!

"It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

The internet, and more specifically the 'blogosphere' within it (though I don't really care for that term), allows a mantle of anonymity when traipsing about the place, which leads some to say things without the thought and consideration that would otherwise be given to conversation.  I appreciate that the mantle was shirked in this case, but do wish that consideration be taken when appearing as a new face.  It can leave a bad first impression.

Since Mike seems to be popping back around here at least a couple times a day, I hope that clears things up.  (Sorry if it seems I'm picking on you a bit, Mike; my comments are almost exclusively of the happy-shiny variety, so I have to play at Sam McGee and languish in the flames when the opportunity arises.  Sort of makes me feel like I've 'made it', you know?)

A benefit of this is that I now know I'm the #1 google result for 'simian farmer mistress'.  And that's something.  I don't know what, but it's something.

Comments

[Mark]

From the U.K., eh? While it's good to know that Mike (along with other countrymen of his, I assume) places value on marriage and parenthood, it's pretty clear he a) doesn't know a thing about you, and b) well, it would only serve to make him angry, so no need for another.

Mike, if I'd trust any man I know only through the Internet to show my wife a good time, it's Simon. Well, and Moksha. Oh, and Cheeseburger Brown, and Dave (but he doesn't usually comment here). Point is, I can't choose just one. Looks like she's all booked up for a while, Mike, but next time we're in Great Britain, we'll let you know.

[Paul]

I must say that I had to read the sentence about your 'temporary mistress' twice when that entry originally appeared. It took me a few moments to figure out exactly what you were talking about. Still, knowing you as I do, I knew there was a meaning to ferret out. If I was unfamiliar enough with you to mistake your meaning, I suspect I would have been uncaring enough not to comment. Who gets so worked up over the life of a total stranger from halfway around the world?

[e-belle]

SAM MCGEE! FROM TENNESSEE! Good grief, I didn't think anyone else knew that poem. But then I spent the latter third of my pre-adult life in Knoxville (from whence my parent's hail and my mater still lives) and they're a pretty odd bunch...

Simon, I have to admit, I LOVE when misunderstandings like that arise - not the specifics of this one, but when someone says something that gets misconstrued to much amusement. My father once misheard something I said and when he repeated what he thought I'd said, with much incredulity in his voice, it made me laugh. He then replied "You know, I'm losing my hearing and it's such a hoot - you wouldn't BELIEVE what I THINK people are saying!"

Besides, these days, who can be surprised at ANYTHING people share about their inner lives on the web... I just think 'Next' and move along.

[Moksha Gren]

I'll take my small bit of blame for the British flame that was shot your way, Si. I think I was the one that started making insinuations about your date night with Amy's friend. All in good fun, ya know...but perhaps such a whimsical discussion of infidelity in the comments section tainted the whole piece in Mike's eyes. Not that I'm apologizing, mind you. Given another chance, I'll probably start making inappropriate comments again ;)

Mark - Thanks, buddy. I'd trust you for a date night with Moonshot, too. Three reasons: a) I'd trust my wife with just about anyone...cuz I trust my wife. b) between the stereo mics attached to your glasses and the constant stopping to film street trash...I think you'd have a hard time wooing Moonshot. And c) I know you wouldn't be able to refrain from blogging about anything that happened...and Shannon would drop kick your butt but good. Oh...and d) you're a really nice guy ;)

[Simon]

Mark, I'd love to show your wife a good time. Does she like Star Wars marathons? (Um, mine doesn't...)

Paul, I do sometimes tend to obfuscate things a bit, eh?

Belle, The Cremation of Sam McGee is one of my favouritest poems in the world ever. Robert Service is a way cool poet.

Moksha, I appreciate the fact about you that you will accept some (unwarranted) blame, but also stick to your guns in unapologetically insisting you'll most likely do something similar again. Appropriately named, you are.

[Alec]

Naturally, you weren't having an affair with a woman named Solitude...as I recall, you had a date with Destiny, or perhaps a pretty little lady named Diablo.

(Hopefully this comment won't be taken too far out of context; can only imagine what rumours it could spread)

[Alvis]

Mike's comment is what we here in the American South call 'shootin' off at the mouth.'

But seriously, I could never make a comment like that on someone's blog. First, I would read a lot more before jumping to conclusions. Secondly, if my conclusion was the same as the one Mike jumped to, I think I would just leave well enough alone and not comment.

[Linda]

If it were to come down to who's got a big old handful o' blame, I wouldn't know who to even begin suspectin'...
But in Si's defense, if he's successfully abstained from my irrepressible, albeit, irresistible overtures, that boy is tried AND true. What am I saying, "if"? I have a broken heart to prove it. I still love 'im, though. What's not to love?

Hi Amy :-)