All's well that ends well

The title applies both to tonight and to the Christmas season to date.  Thank God I have a digital camera in front of me to flip through, else I might have a hard time recollecting (let alone recounting) the past week.

I'm in the basement after having just put Dex to bed.  Previous to that I put Tavish to bed after mopping up the massive puke splatters he left all over the kitchen once I finished dosing him with his antibiotics for the sinus infection he collected recently.  Both boys got head colds after Dex came down with the croup a couple weeks ago, so it's been nuthin' but snot and crankiness for goin' on 14 days here.

I've a stack of CDs in front of me as I'm in the process of ripping my collection to iTunes because, thanks to my brother (Uncle Buster), I got me a new iPod for Christmas and I love him just a little bit more for it.  (I just finished listening to Joy Ride by Junkhouse, and hoo boy... have the past few days ever been.)  It's the 8 GB nano, and the fact that I'm going to be able to store over 2,000 songs on something the size of a couple matchbooks just boggles my mind.  I like the word 'boggles'.  (Not quite as much as the word 'boobies', but that pretty much goes without saying.)

I'm also on my third stiff rum 'n egg nogg, so this might get interesting.  It's not that I'm a great fan of egg nogg, but it makes for a great delivery system to get rum into my system in much the same way that popcorn exists solely to deliver butter and flavoured salt to my GI tract.  (Dill pickle is my favourite.)

But I said I was going to talk about Christmas... so let's.  I think it started on Christmas Eve.  (Well, that day, but it's the only day of the year where we refer to the day by its latter half, which is silly really, but that's just my way of saying it was the day, not the eve, of the Eve.)

Christmas Eve

Sister-in-Law Carie and niece Amanda (BANDA!) arrived that afternoon.  (She's known as BANDA! because when Dex first learned to say her name that's exactly how it came out, exclamation point and all.  You have to say the last "A" for a full second, with a hint of satisfaction at the end.)

We finally got our tree decorated that evening.  Amy and I put up our Christmas tree on Sunday the 17th, but it was after 10 PM when it was finally assembled, so we put off decorating to a later date.  Every subsequent evening sort of ran out of time, so we made the excuse that we were waiting for family to arrive so we could all decorate it together.  Convenient, eh?

I remembered to take the turkey out of the freezer that afternoon, which is a good thing because it needs a bloody long time to thaw out!  Amy was still in the midst of her Christmas baking, which ruled out leaving the turkey in a sink full of cold water in which to thaw.  My frikkin' genius of a wife suggested bringing up the plastic baby bath tub from the basement and we christened the bird therein.  She also stayed me from taking the tub back downstairs because the prospect of me porting a tub full of a 20-lb turkey and at least an equal weight of water scared the shit out of her.  Smart girl.

When Carie and BANDA! arrived, my poor little niece took to the fresh baking like Lady MacBeth to insanity, which is an important fact to note later in our sordid tale.

There was really little else of import that occurred on that Eve.  The boys went to bed and a couple of us Santas wrapped some last minute presents.  (In my case, all of them.)

Oh, wait.  There's something I forgot.  (I'm not editing this before I post it, just so you know.)  Me Mum-in-law called a few days before this.  She warned of a couple boxes coming to us from DHL.  She told us that they wouldn't arrive at our house by Christmas but they would arrive at the DHL Edmonton warehouse by Christmas eve and she'd appreciate it if the boys had the boxes to open for Christmas.  Amy asked her mum if she could pick them up in the car and was told that, um, well, no, they're probably a little too big for the Matrix.  Simon better pick them up in his truck.  And bring something to ensure they're tied down, would he?

I got to the DHL depot and was told to drive around to door 38 to pick up my boxes.  As I waited in the massive complex with the aged but polite security guard, I wasn't sure what to expect.  When I saw a dolly being wheeled towards us and saw what was on there, I nearly had a kitten.  (That's an expression, in case you're not familiar with it; feel free to use it if you'd like.)  On the dolly were two boxes of equal size with the exact same lettering on each:  CADILLAC ESCALADE.

Amy's dad drives a pretty new pearl-coloured Caddy Escalade.  For each of our boys he and Grandma had purchased a miniature motorised version of the same.  They're still sitting in our garage and in the boxes as I write this, but we plan to open them in the next couple days and get some shots of the boys in their side-by-side pimped out rides.  I'll be sharing those shots... oh yes I will sooooo be sharing those.

(The really funny part was when I had the boxes loaded in my truck and I was pulling out of the parking lot to go home.  Directly behind me as I waited to leave was a big, black Cadillac Escalade.  Man, he must have gotten at least as good a laugh as I did.)

But back to Christmas eve.

(Did I mention that Uncle Buster also got me a car kit to use with my iPod?  I tried it out for the first time today and I so totally love it.  [and him too.]  No more commercials on my radio EVER!  Fuckin' A dude!!!!)

(Sorry, that was the rum talking, not me.)

(Speaking of which, I need a little more, hang on a sec... it's adding the ground nutmeg that really adds to the drink.)

[...]

Okya... i'm bakc......

Christmas Day

Christmas day dawned with Dex waking up crying, so he and I snuggled on the sofa with nothing but the glow of the lit tree to keep us company.  It was awesome.  The rest of the house slowly stirred and joined us in the living room as the sun made its presence known and the gifts started flying open.  First, we had breakfast, which was Eggs Benny, courtesy of yours truly.  Only the Hollandaise sauce was from a package, and MAN!, does that call for a lot of butter!  But oh so yummy...

Presents were fun, and Dex was more than willing to tear into his with a fair share of gusto.  That was fun to watch.  Amy and I mostly did the picture thing for gifts this year.  We had kid pix taken well before Christmas, so those comprised the gifts to those to whom we're related.  (mostly).

Showers and other daily ablutions followed.  It was when Amy got in the shower that things started to get a little...

...off.

Carie [calling from the basement] "AMY!"

Simon [washing dishes, shouting downstairs] "She's in the shower, Carie!"

Carie [even more urgently... if possible] "Your basement's flooding!"

[Simon sprints downstairs to see the Red Sea emanating from the laundry room.  The confluence of the shower, the dishwasher and the spin-cycle of the washing machine was too much for our sewer line to handle.]

It took my emptying two shop-vac loads into the toilet to realise it was just coming back up the pipes, so I dumped future loads out the back door into the pile of snow already suffused by copious amounts of dog poo.  The sweet irony was not lost on me.

Niece BANDA! was standing around spectating, so was sent for more towels to form an impromptu Maginot Line against the World War I of water send against our unsuspecting defences.  We held it at bay long enough for Amy to get out of the shower and the shop-vac to suck its fill a few times.  The day was saved, the turkey got into the oven on time and, it being the first bird I've ever cooked, that bitch was tender and delicious come evening!  We even took a couple hours off in the late afternoon to go visit one of Amy's girlfriends while Carie and BANDA! walked around the ghost-town that West Edmonton Mall turned into on Christmas day.

We tried giving the boys a bath that night, and we used a couple of the frizzy colour bath tabs that Dex got in his stocking.  But when we drained the tub we discovered that the pipes were still backed up.  So we left the tub full of cold water that had been stained by red and yellow colour tablets.  We swore to call The City the next day since it looked like we'd bled and sacrificed a jaundiced infant in our tub to the Pagan Christmas Gods.

(Piece of advice: if it's your sewer pipe, ALWAYS call the city first instead of a plumber -- it'll save you at least a couple hundred bucks.)

Boxing Day

On Boxing Day (the 26th) we had intentions of all going to my dad's place for a Christmas brunch.  BANDA! woke up with a slight case of the pukes.  Seems the diet she'd adopted of butter tarts and short bread and soda pop and potato chips had finally caught up with her and her stomach had staged a full-scale mutiny.  (Her body was The Bounty and 'twas headed for Pitcairn Isle, it was.)  That, combined with the backed-up pipes was an unpleasant combination, let me tell you.

Carie and BANDA! managed to get washed up and in their Explorer by the end of the morning and cut their visit short by about a day on account of their having spent a night in a backed-up basement and one of the pair puking her guts out all morning.  Merry Christmas!!

Me, Amy, Dex and little T had a great time at Grandpa and Baba's house.  A few presents exchanged and a wonderful brunch of fresh fruit, quiche and desserts.

We called The City on the morning of the 27th and the service truck was here on the morning of the 28th, for which we were very grateful, because that meant we could finally drain our sacrificial tub and cleanse our own selves of the blood of our crimes and other impurities.  'Twas a wonderful blessing.  Since we have 'intentions' of finishing our basement in the next year or two, it may be in our best interest to get the sewer pipe replaced out to the main line.  Just sayin'.

And that sort of brings us back to the present.  I'm still burning new CDs to my iTunes as I type this and hope to have my whole collection done by this weekend.

Amy headed off to a girlfriend's place to do some scrap-booking this evening and has yet to return.  I hope I'm still conscious when she gets here.  [Edit:  Yes, I was.]

(If there was some way to describe the number of times I've hit the Backspace key during the composition of this post, you all would take pity on me, I'm sure.)

We're probably going to a friend's place for a New Year's celebration in a couple days.  Not sure if we'll stay late, but you never know.

I have a whole schwack of photos and a bit of video to share from the past few days, but that will have to wait for a future time.  I have to go drink some water and sate my craving for some cheese and crackers and hope I don't have a hangover tomorrow..

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Comments

[TerriTorial]

Those bath fizzies always scare me! I do not want a tiedyed kid!

Sounds like your Christmas was very Merry. Uber green here over your ipod!

[Linda]

Si Baby, I'm reading this post in installments... so I guess I'll be commenting likewise. Your eggnog-induced writing is impressive. LOL for the mini-Escalades. I'm feeling really bad that you had your holiday tarnished like this.
In the words of what's-his-name, "I'll be Bach."

[Tal]

So Tavish is driving before he's walking eh? Sounds like fun!

I'm glad that the Fraser family had a good Christmas in the end. Have a great New Year!

[Moksha Gren]

Great to have you back amongst the blogs, Si. It's been quiet out here without you. I got in trouble for checking Wink's site too often for updates...got a bit crazy for a bit.

Glad to finally have the full story of the Great Fraser Christmas Flood of '06...and the eggnog added a nice flavor to the telling.

I look forward to the pictures. And congrats again on the iPod. You've taken your first step into a larger world.

[Linda]

Have I ever mentioned that you have just the best talent ever for story-telling? I don't know anyone else who could do such justice to puking, drain-backingupness, etc. (mutiny, sacrificial cleansing- LOL.) Your masterment of the English language is Something to Behold.
Glad everything worked out for you, and so happy you got the iPod. It just is like the icing on life, isn't it??? :-)
Oh, the frequency with which you were utilizing the backspace key? Welcome to my world. Since we got a "condensed" keyboard(translate- more compact, pain in the ass)
my right pinkie seems not strong enough to completely compress the shift key to make capital letters. All I get done doing is hitting the BS key.
Happy New Year to the FoY with Love. (Four of You)

[Tina]

Certainly sounds as if you had an eventful Christmas. Those are the ones you seem to remember 30 years from now. I've had my share of baby barf and plumbing problems on the holidays, too. Ya just kinda plow through it, aye ? lol Here's to a wonderful 2007. May we all have something to write down, laugh about, and reminisce over. Enjoy ! Tina

[Mark]

Nice one, Simon. Glad you guys came out alive and (relatively) dry on the other side.

So, I'm guessing you're spending New Year's Eve at home, like so many of us other married folk.

Whatever you're doing, have a great one!

[Moksha Gren]

Just wanted to swing by and wish you a happy New Year before I turned in. If I have my time zones right, you should be ringing in the year just as I hit submit.

[Simon]

Moksha, I have to laud your use of the Star Wars reference. Making them topical and witty rather than just throwing them in there isn't as easy as it looks when you do it right; and you did it right. Right on! And thanks for the New Year comment. I have to admit that I dozed off in front of the TV at about a quarter to midnight and woke up at 12:06 AM. Damn, I said to myself, and stumbled into bed. So I was dozing fitfully when you posted it.

Mark, we went out to a friend's place New Year's eve, having left Dex with Granny, but Tavish refused to sleep in a strange bed so we came home early at about 10 PM and yes, like you, ended up ringing in the new year in our pyjamas. Asleep.

[Moksha Gren]

The parents of some friends of mine celebrate the New Year on Eastern Time just so they don't have to stay up so late. As a Mountain Timer, that'd get you to bed even ealier. Just a thought

"Great shot, kid. That was one in a million!!" Drat!...that was neither topical nor witty.