Simian Farmer: What would Yoda do too?

INT. A SMALL, DINGY, DARK ROOM. AT FIRST GLANCE IT LOOKS TO BE A NEAT HOVEL LONG INHABITED BY A DIMINUTIVE CREATURE PROVIDING FOR A BARE MINIMUM OF PHYSICAL NEEDS. A SMALL FIRE SERVES TO PREPARE MEALS. UPON CLOSER INSPECTION, THE ROOM RESEMBLES A MEDIUM-SIZED KITCHEN TABLE WITH A BLANKET THROWN OVER TOP AND A NIGHT LIGHT.

SIGH: Look, I'm sure this colour scheme is fine, and the CSS looks Web2.0 compatible. I just don't understand why we can't see Yoda now.

CREATURE: Patience! For the Blogger it is time to eat as well. Eat, eat. Hot. Good food, hm? Good, hmm?

Moving with some difficulty in the cramped quarters, Simon sits down near the fire and serves himself from the pot. Tasting the unfamiliar concoction, he is pleasantly surprised.

SIGH: How far away is Yoda? Will it take us long to get there?

CREATURE: Not far. Yoda not far. Patience. Soon you will be with him. (tasting food from the pot) Why wish you become Blogger? Hm?

SIGH: Mostly for the sake of my kids, I guess.

CREATURE: Ah, your children. Powerful Bloggers will they be, powerful Bloggers, mmm.

SIGH: (a little angry) Oh, come on. How could you know my kids? You don't even know who I am. (fed up) Oh, I don't even know what I'm doing here. We're wasting our time!

The creature turns away from Simon and speaks to a third party.

CREATURE: (irritated) I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience.

Simon's head spins in the direction the creature faces. But there is no one there. The boy is bewildered, but it gradually dawns on him that the little creature is Yoda, the Web Master, and that he is speaking with Ben Kenobi.

BEN'S VOICE: He will learn patience.

YODA: Hmmm. Much anger in him, like his father.

BEN'S VOICE: Was I any different when you taught me?

YODA: Hah. He is not ready.

SIGH: Yoda! I am ready. I...Ben! I can be a Blogger. Ben, tell him I'm ready!

Trying to see Ben, Simon starts to get up but hits his head on the low ceiling.

YODA: Ready, are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Bloggers. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained! A Blogger must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. (to the invisible Ben, indicating Simon) This one a long time have I watched. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Ad Sense -- heh! Comments -- heh! A Blogger craves not these things. (turning to Simon) You are feckless!

Simon looks down. He knows it is true.

BEN'S VOICE: So was I, if you'll remember.

YODA: He is too old. Yes, too old to begin the training.

Simon thinks he detects a subtle softening in Yoda's voice.

SIGH: But I've learned so much.

Yoda turns his piercing gaze on Simon, as though the Web Master's huge eyes could somehow determine how much the boy had learned. After a long moment, the little Blogger turns toward where he alone sees Ben.

YODA: (sighs) Will he finished what he begins?

SIGH: I won't fail you -- I'm not afraid.

YODA: (turns slowly toward him) Wait you will until NaBloPoMo. You will be. You will be.