Fishing for ideas

Here's something. 

In my efforts to post something at least marginally interesting (and more intelligent than inane) every single day this month, I will reach out to those of you with a burning curiosity about all things Simian.

Back in July, I posted a request to ask me anything.  That was a fun exercise and provided for more introspective material than I expected.  I'd like to do it again.  Imagine you get to spend a whole month (or most of one, now) peeling back the layers and divining the inner Simian that has yet to be plumbed!

So that's what I'll do.  Let's play Ask Me Anything for the entire month.  That means I need at least 25 questions requiring a modicum of insightful response on my part.  I think we can do it.  I'll start responding on Monday.  I'll keep the comments to this post open until the quota gets full or overflows or I get intimidated by the number of half-witty rejoinders I have to concoct.  I will also provide the money-back guarantee that all questions will get answered, with a minimum of prevarication, and absolutely no outright lies.  At least none that can be substantiated.

If I have to answer into December, I will.  I also promise to answer them mostly in the order they were asked, but reserve the right to select questions based on their self-aggrandizing potential.  Offer void in Quebec.  (That's a joke.)

*****

That was just one big, long request, so doesn't really count as content for today.  Here are a couple of original poems to tide you over until Monday.  (These first two weekend posts will be mostly fodder, just so you know.  I have to do laundry, pick up two weeks worth of dog poop frozen into and under the snow in the backyard, and fix the gaping hole in the back door that's wreaking havoc on my gas bill.)

A haiku

Snow falls in the yard
Hides feculent evidence
Spring clean-up's a bitch

Free verse

A man
bereft of his blog
is still very much
a man.

Problems
arise only when he
seeks validation
for his actions
to find total
strangers at Starbucks
aren't nearly as receptive
when confronted with
inane blathering
from a man clad
only in his

Lucky Irish Boxers,
navy blue Sorel boots
and sipping cautiously
from a venti caramel macchiato
talking about dog poop.

Indeed, sometimes
they call the
police.

Comments

[Mark]

Loving the original poems. I'll have to think up a question at some point today.

Amazingly, I met someone at work yesterday with whom I have quite a bit in common and had a conversation in which I never once had to feign interest. I have only one or two of those around in the "real" world, so it was refreshing.

Tip for everybody reading: Firefox 2.0 (free web browser) has built-in spell-checking that works as you type. Very slick. It may very well eliminate typo's in blog comments. I know, double-edged sword.

[marian]

Hey, great poems. You have navy-blue Sorels? Wait, no that wasn't a question! Nevermind!

Let me think a bit. I'll get back to you.

[Pappy's Fella]

In my book, dogs are the only subject of interest, so here's my question-- how do you know your dog is smart? What does he really understand?

[Émilie]

Frank and I both agreed a long time ago that we're never getting a dog, for many reasons. We have the two cats, they basically take care of themselves, and that's fine by us. Although, I can expect Xav will, at some point, request a puppy and that, depending on situation and age, we *might* decide to say yes (if we're very, very happy with him).

I remember you noted previously that you're not overly fond of the canines yourself, but you do have them and speak from experience. So my question (challenge) is this: can you make a positive case (plea?) for the genre? Or does the only real reason you have them is because you can cope with them, for your family's sake?

[Moksha Gren]

I've been hesitant to post...wanting to think of a really good question. I'm still drawing a blank, but I wanted to make sure I said, "Excellent free verse poem!" There...now that I've said it, I can go back to wondering what dark, secret corner of your psyche I'd like to explore. I'll try to avoid questions like,"What's the one thing you swore you'd never admit to in your blog?" While fun...it seems like an abuse of a rather generous offer.

[fv]

This is a multi-part question that I will now free associate...

1) Do you have the clearance to run the interference?

2) Do you think it might bother you if either of your sons are taller than you?

3) Is it true that only a poor student cannot exceed their teacher?

4) If you had to teach one class at any level, what would it be?

Ok, that's enough for now... back to work.

[Alec Lynch]

Here's a couple ol' standbys:

First:
Dessert island (not a typo, this one's made of ice-cream and chocolate):

Five books?
Five movies?
Five (non-hygiene related) personal items?

Second:
Think Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. You're got to go grab...oh...let's say five...historical figures to hang out with for a day. You can assume by the magic of Hollywood everyone speaks modern day English.

Hmmm...should probably come up with a non-listing related one. What has to happen (or not happen) for you to be able to go to sleep thinking "yeah, that was a good day."?

[Linda]

Sheesh. You'ns up there are hawgin' all the askin'...
Here's mine... We all know with what regard you embrace the fantasy of having two women; just to retain a bit of moral/ethical legitimacy, let's say that Amy agrees to let you make it real as long as she gets to play too. What cele-broad do you choose to make le trios a menage?
(yeah, that was supposed to be funny...)

[Tal]

Hi Simon, you talk about this (kind of) every once in a while, but in the context of other things...how do you and Amy make time for each other with all the day-to-day grind?

[Moksha Gren]

The web is full of newbie bloggers explaining why they decided to start blogging (I know I have one back there, myself). However, a more interesting question is to you, the blogger who has tirelessly posted for over two years now. Why do you KEEP blogging? What makes it so important in your hectic child-rearing / wife-appriciating / job-working life to throw such a time-consuming hobby into the mix? And how do you think it's going?

Oh, and this isn't really a question (although you're free to expound on it if you find an entertaining story in it) but more an observation. I have known that you were a dork. You don't hide it and it's one of the wonderful qualities that drew me to your blog. However, a tip of the hat from one Star Wars geek to another is in order since I got a better look a that Imperial tattoo on your arm. "Impressive...most impressive."

[Mark]

My question is one I've thought of posting on my blog, but I find that when one invites comments, the response is mostly crickets chirping.

If you could become (not just dress like) any member of the opposite sex, for one week, who would it be, and why? It must not be your wife, mom, or other close relative, and it must be a real woman (but not necessarily a specifically named one). I'd be a nun, because that poses the least risk of getting near a man's genitalia, and maybe I'd learn some Catholic secrets. But mostly that first part.

[wil]

Maybe Amy better answer this one, but how the heck did YOU manage to latch on to such a beautiful, talented young woman?