Predictability

Spontaneity is a wonderful quality to contribute to a marriage that is intended to last.  Keeps some spunk in what can become a trudge through mundane routine.

My wife for example.  She's probably the more spontaneous of the two of us.  She has this habit of reaching up like she wants to kiss me or something and then, all cobra-like, jabs in with her fingers primed and grabs my nipple.  Then gets all martial-artsy and defensive when I attempt to return the favour.  (Which is funny since, you know, she and Coordination sort of parted ways in childhood.)

Me, I can be spontaneous too.  Impromptu dance sessions in front of a bewildered wife are not uncommon.  More often than not to a catchy tune on a TV commercial.  Dex is likely to join in now, which just adds to the fun.

I can't deny that I'm more predictable than my wife.  Take Bon Jovi, for example.  Every single time we hear one of their songs on the radio - more specifically, from their Slippery When Wet release - I am driven to observe it was that particular tape that got me through China.  One of the first purchases I made in Hong Kong (our first of five city stops on a grade nine trip) was a spanky new yellow Sony Walkman.  But I didn't have any tapes with me, so borrowed one from a fellow student traveller.  Livin' on a Prayer is now ineluctably tied to China.

For the first while Amy would simply sigh patiently and remind me (not unkindly) that I'd mentioned the Bon Jovi - China connection to her on a number of previous occasions.  I'd get incredulous and frown, chagrined, making mental note not to bring it up again.  Until I did.  Now, I either catch myself and do no more than share a knowing glance with her, or, just as likely, get the first part of the observation out before she cuts me off and stares at me with a look suffused with great huge gobs of regret for ever having made the mistake of sleeping with someone as stultifyingly stupid as me, and please, God, Please! let whatever gene he has bypass our kids.

(I do though, sometimes, say it on purpose.)

*****

The same sort of predictability with our dogs.  There's a new stuffed animal or plastic toddler yard implement ravaged on nearly a weekly basis.  I catch it post mortem and get all sorts of upset.  But quietly, mostly.  (Not at just that -- it's the camel and straw thing.  Now, I'm tending towards suppressed resignation.)  Amy and I have had this discussion before.  I normally start by muttering various imprecations under my breath, grab a pair of shoes and stomp as softly as I can through the kitchen and into the yard.  I get more riled up as with every scrap of stuffing I clear I step around various turds that nearly all have paw prints through them and can't help but picture the dogs lounging on our furniture and licking our boys.

It takes me about an hour to cool back down after that.  I normally start by cleaning violently.  Dogs' paws.  The back landing where there are bits of tree dragged through the doggie door to chew.  Print-ridden bed sheets.  The dishes.  Whatever's immediate and subject to purification by cloth, broom or appliance.

I don't complain too loudly and Amy sort of walks around me for that time.

*****

I think I ended up in a different spot than I intended here.  I was sort of trying to make the point that unspoken communication is fully as important in marriage as what's said.  Sometimes even more important.

Comments

[JuJuBee]

How can I get Mr. JuJu to clean when he is pissed off?

[Moksha Gren]

Glad to hear I'm not the only one to repeat stories to my wife. I've worried, from time to time, that if I'm already repeating this many stories only four years into our relationship...what will our conversations be like when we're in our rocking chairs. How many times will my poor wife have heard the same damned details...and will she continue to put up with her repetative husband? Hopefully I'll get a few new stories as time goes by.

[Mark]

Happens to us all. And, I know exactly what you mean by a knowing glance. No words are needed in so many situations, that it's almost scary.

The dogs part? Ugh. I hate when I get a little reminder that they are, in fact, filthy animals.

[marian]

Dog turds can throw off just about anybody's concentration, in my opinion.

One great thing about getting older is that Amy will start to forget that she's heard your stories and jokes before. And the old will become new!

Rick and I have so much unspoken communication happening all the time that we've gotten tired of speaking and have begun to prefer barking. A nicely nuanced bark is really all that is needed anymore.

[rick]

I can be spontaneous. But only when it's appropriate.

[Linda]

How in the world did I miss this post??? Anyway, spousal communication takes many different forms over the course of a relationship. Looks, silences, touches, growls, (yes) silly things, serious things, whatever. You kind of invent your own code for relating.
As for repeating, PD is STILL telling me things I never heard before and SELDOM repeats himself. (Ok, he's not a talker...)
He will probably tell you, though, that I have related to him every single event in my life over and over. (He would be lying, but he enjoys making me look silly for some reason.)
Hold on to Spontaneous. After you reach a certain age, it just takes too much effort...