Terri made me do it. Or at least asked politely. I normally like to stay meme-free around these here parts since it has the pontential to distract from the serious effort of writing self-absorbed tripe, but what the hell... every now and again won't hurt.
And you must take every single one of my answers very seriously.
Because I hardly ever equivocate.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1: Outliving my kids.
2: Looking back in 5 or 10 years and thinking I could have done more, or better.
3: That time my wife snuck up behind me and grabbed my ass when I was doing the dishes. Man! I didn't even know she was home; I nearly crapped my pants.
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
1: My wife.
2: My toddler.
3: My self.
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
1: My Anakin Skywalker Force FX lightsabre.
2: My new fountain pen.
3: My small library.
THREE THINGS I HATE:
1: Brussels sprouts.
2: Intense physical pain.
3: The Dutch.
THREE THINGS I DON’T UNDERSTAND:
1: Women.
2: Chicks.
3: Broads.
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
1: My pen!
2: New scanner.
3: 192 mL green glass Coca-Cola bottle I brought back from my trip to China in '89.
THREE THINGS I’M DOING RIGHT NOW:
1: Forcing my eyes to stay open.
2: Thinking about sex.
3: Stroking my mouse in an inappropriate manner.
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
1: Hold my grandchild; great-grandchild would be double-extra-super-cool.
2: Love unconditionally. (I think I'm pretty close with my kids.)
3: Two chicks at the same time.
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
1: Use a slide rule.
2: Juggle (including under the leg and behind the back).
3: Induce consternation through obfuscation.
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
1: Wry.
2: Restrained.
3: Introspective.
THREE THINGS I CAN’T DO:
1: Hate (except the Dutch).
2: A handstand. (Well, underwater I can.)
3: Hold my breath for an hour. (Not even underwater.)
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
1: Your mother.
2: What your baby really means when he's crying.
3: Solicited advice.
THREE THINGS I DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
1: Unsolicited advice.
2: That tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at your chamber door.
3: The voices inside MY head.
THREE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
1: Lasagna.
2: Reese's Fucking Toast.
3: Dairy Queen Mud Pie Blizzard.
THREE THINGS I’D LIKE TO LEARN:
1: French.
2: More patience.
3: The ways of the Force.
THREE BEVERAGES I DRINK REGULARLY:
1: Coffee.
2: Water.
3: The blood of 13 freshly slain kittens at each full moon.
THREE SHOWS I WATCHED WHEN I WAS A KID:
1: G-Force
2: Dungeons & Dragons
3: Airwolf
THREE PEOPLE WHO YOU TAGGED TO DO THIS:
Should you elect to take this challenge unto yourself and descry certain of your own answers buried in your heart, and then see fit to transcribe same and send it thither and yon into the ether... well then more power to you.
Uniiiiiiii!
Posted by: Sarah | Thursday, 13 July 2006 at 07:30 AM
Wow..guys do this stuff? Who knew!
And yet your answers don't surprise me. Don't most men want "2 chicks at the same time"
Posted by: TerriTorial | Thursday, 13 July 2006 at 07:37 AM
You are only a teensy bit unpredictable ;-)
Know you better than we thought!
Posted by: Linda | Thursday, 13 July 2006 at 07:48 AM
I want an explanation about this whole Dutch thang.
Posted by: marian | Thursday, 13 July 2006 at 10:18 AM
Marian,
One of my favourite lines from the third Austin Powers movie was Austin's dad proclaiming, "There are only two things in this world I hate: an intolerance of other people's cultures, and the Dutch."
Posted by: Simon | Thursday, 13 July 2006 at 10:24 AM
Classic line from AP. But I still take it personally. The Dutch get a lot of flack. For instance:
1. Dutch Elm disease (not even Dutch)
2. Going Dutch (that cheap bastard date)
3. Dutch ovens (various meanings there, but I'm thinking of farting in bed and then pulling the covers over the head of your loved one, so that he or she can enjoy your flatulence)
4. And so on and so forth.
For the record, Mike Meyers did a pretty good Dutch accent when he played Goldmember. I was worried that he would do a German accent even though the character was Dutch. Thankfully he did not.
(I am a bit of an authority on the matter, incidentally, being first-generation Dutch and all.)
Tot siens!
Posted by: Marc | Thursday, 13 July 2006 at 03:39 PM
Ha!
Posted by: marian | Thursday, 13 July 2006 at 04:25 PM
Good answer, Simon. I'll just make up my own three.
Three things I've never told anybody on my own blog:
1. Sometimes when I'm running late, instead of eating my cereal from a bowl, I put it in a cup, my milk in a travel mug, and take it on the road. I "sip" some cereal, then some milk, and crunch crunch. Any motorists who have noticed it probably got a good laugh.
2. When a conversation reminds me of something a fellow blogger wrote, I say, "A friend of mine said..." instead of "This blog I read said..." to avoid the weird looks I would get. I never hear people mention blogs they read, so I keep quiet about it.
3. When I click my teeth together on one side, I have to do it on the other side to make it "fair." I often make up drum parts by clicking my teeth together, with my lips closed, and then catch myself, hoping that people near me didn't hear it. I'm pretty sure I have a touch of something that makes me tickish.
Posted by: Mark | Thursday, 13 July 2006 at 11:01 PM
Who's this Mark person? He's a hoot. :-)
Why do people look at us Bloggers so weirdly? We need shirts or a convention or something...
Posted by: Linda | Friday, 14 July 2006 at 06:55 AM
How does your wife feel about the two chicks at one time?
And would she be one of them?
Posted by: Alvis | Monday, 17 July 2006 at 07:20 AM