Though I feel shame for admitting it, I accidentally stumbled upon an on-line article culled from the Redbook, a chick magazine of some sort.
It basically espouses the benefit (to men) of being honest with our significant female partners about the trivialities that are often concealed or glossed over for the sake of convenience or avoiding a minor argument. (I was just reading the caption on her shirt, honest!) By being open about the little things, the bigger things are easier to talk about.
It's nearly too 'cute' an article to have bothered mentioning here, but there are 11 alleged 'secrets' revealed, not all of which I agree with. Actually, I disagree with most of them on some level. You can read the linked article to find out what most men apparently think about these things, but I've provided my own feedback below. I am not most men. (I have a lightsabre in my bedroom.)
Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you
This one's pretty much spot on. If I'm not thinking about Star Wars, I'm thinking about sex of some sort or another. (Don't even get me started on the juxtaposition of those two!)
When my wife's not in my line of sight, I'm probably thinking about sex with whichever woman is, if any. Or at least her boobies. It's a real moth to the flame sort of thing. Most men exceed the intelligence of moths by enough so that they don't get close enough to get burned.
Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you
Since I hold with Mark Twain's opinion of golf, I'll address the underlying issue here.
Time away from the family is important to guys. Well, to me. I'm not going to speak about all guys. The article tried to do that and failed horribly. I need to get away for short periods. My wife and I have discussed this on occasion and it definitely seems to be slightly different in me than her. The short summary I've given her is, "I need to go away so I can miss you."
Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you
Uh, no.
If I'm unnerved by a commitment I've made, I should never have made it. I learned that lesson the first time I asked a chick to marry me.
I am completely committed to my wife and feel no trepidation about it.
Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important
I garner a sense of satisfaction by being the bread winner in the house. And I have an immense amount of respect for the unparallelled job my wife is doing as a full time mom - far better than I see myself performing in her shoes. We have ourselves a great little balancing act that does, on occasion, teeter a little bit.
Earning money does NOT make me feel important.
Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house
New homeowners quickly resign themselves to the fact that entropy will always be just a little ahead of whatever efforts are made to curb it. I certainly enjoy puttering about the house. I don't find myself protesting about the fixing of things but do complain too much about not having enough time and money to do what we want with the place.
Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother
I have absolutely no fears at all that my wife will eventually turn into her mother.
Lamentably, there is something to be said about a man's fondness for being mothered by his wife. To a certain degree that, I'm sure, varies with each man. All bets are off when that man is sick. THEN he shows a propensity to out-baby an actual baby. I'm pretty sure, when sick, I've been told to 'suck it up' on more than one occasion.
Secret #7: Every year we love you more
Yes.
I've been with my wife for five years, married for three of those. I realized I had fallen in love with her while I was away on a weekend training course. (Please see response to Secret #2.) When I got back from that we went out to dinner and, sweating bullets, I proclaimed my love. It was reciprocated. I wish I could invest in some sort of stocks that rise with such reliability.
Just as importantly, I find that I respect, admire and like her more and more.
Secret #8: We don't really understand what you're talking about
There is a communication gap between genders that takes effort to cross. If I am willing to commit to spending my life with a woman, I'd best ensure that I'm willing to make that effort.
Once the honeymoon is over and the family is raised, at the end, there will only be the two of us. It'd be a little less awkward if we had something to talk about and sort of understood each other.
Secret #9: We are terrified when you drive
Not hardly.
My wife drives a stick better than I do. Which is (ahem) as it should be. When I first met her, Amy drove a red pick-up truck with a stick shift. Chicks that drive trucks are dead sexy.
Secret #10: We'll always wish we were 25 again
I fart in the general direction of this secret.
I'm rather fond of where I am right now and, aside from acknowledging where I used to be in that it helped get me here, I have no desire to return there. My future bodes well. Pining for lost youth does nothing but foster regrets and prevents one from enjoying the moment.
I find myself regularly returning to a delightful apothegm of Garth Algar's from the movie, Wayne's World: "Live in the NOW, man!"
Secret #11: Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime
The truest of the secrets given. And the trickiest.
Remember that scene towards the beginning of City Slickers when Billy Crystal's character's wife told him to go on the cattle drive with his two friends? She told him, "I need you to go away so you can find your smile." And then at the very end when she picked him up from the airport with his new pet cow, he pointed to his grinning face and finally answered in reply, "Look what I found!"
This one ties in directly to Secret #2. If you love something, set it free; that sort of thing. Unassuagable clinginess is just about the single most repugnant trait that a person (not just women) can bring to a relationship. To use a metaphor, it's akin to what Princess Leia said to the Grand Moff aboard the Death Star in Star Wars: "The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."
The tricky part is finding the balance. Some men are pigs, and will take full advantage of spending as much time away from home as possible under the guise of 'needing their space'.
I have a weekend trip planned for the middle of November that'll have me away from my wife and kids for most of three days. I did the same sort of thing last December for a weekend. As soon as I got home there was nowhere else I wanted to be but right there.
Secret #12: When you go away for the weekend, the basement will flood and the car will break down. Ha ha!
When I drive, Rick looks at his hands to avoid revealing his terror. He's quite justified in doing this, I suspect.
Oh, and Secret #5? Not so much.
What? Men are different from each other? What?
Posted by: marian | Thursday, 06 July 2006 at 10:27 AM
Being a woman that drives a STICK, and a truck (okay, it's a really sexy Xterra), you are right, we are damn sexy!!!
I loved this post and actually helped me understand my hubby a tad bit more. We've been together since I was 17 and as far as I know, neither of us regret how we've grown together.
It's a wonderful thing.
Posted by: TerriTorial | Thursday, 06 July 2006 at 02:15 PM
Your comments on Secret #10 is right on. Live in the moment and enjoy yourself. Life is fun, if you make it that way.
Another scene from City Slickers, when Billy Crystal is in his son's class for career day. His soliloquy on what is ahead for the kids is terrifying but usually true.
Stay true to yourself and those you love.
Posted by: Grampa | Thursday, 06 July 2006 at 04:56 PM
If I typed my own responses, I'm pretty sure they'd come out just like yours.
Grampa - Thanks. Now I have to go rent City Slickers!
Posted by: Mark | Thursday, 06 July 2006 at 11:50 PM
None of what you said surprised me, Simon. Your views on marriage, love and commitment, I believe, are as they should be. And YouandAmy are as it should be. :-)
I'm curious though, do any other guys out there read those articles? There are only aboot a gazillion of 'em. I'm a woman and I don't even read them anymore...
Posted by: Linda | Saturday, 08 July 2006 at 09:32 AM
I sure hope not, Linda. I just accidentally stumbled upon that and barely gave it the time of day other than it made for some blog fodder.
Posted by: Simon | Saturday, 08 July 2006 at 03:04 PM