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Thursday, 29 June 2006



The fierceness of the mother-son bond took me totally by surprise. I had no idea. It's a very elemental, primitive feeling and I love it. It turns you into something flamingly primal — that knowledge that you'd sacrifice your life for your son. I can so totally relate to what your mother did (although I have to admit I laughed out loud — with affection, mind ye — when I got to the first mention of 'rug hooking'). She was, I am certain, quite helpless in the face of her need to do that for you.

I'll save the rest for my own blog, but this was truly beautiful.


About that flamingly primal-ness, Marian:

Just after a co-worker's son was born, about a month before Dex was, this co-worker told me that the sensation for him was like a willingness to rip off his own arm and beat to death with the bloody stump anyone who'd dare threaten his boy.

Amy and I are both quite like that.


With the scent of peotry still lingering at this site, I'm reminded of some lines from another poet:

(their) courage was not courage,
it was love; love as simple as shaving soap.

Beautiful post, Simon.

Holly Capote

Don't know if you welcome dissent here, Simon. Do ya?


I surely do. I don't expect folks just to blow sunshine up my backside, as delightful as the thought of a solar enema is.

Holly Capote

Okay, kids were my career. I've taught hundreds of them, known thousands of them, and entertained tens of thousands. I've also been invited into hundreds of homes, as a community's beloved schoolmarm. When mommies or daddies died or when kids were abused, they were often placed with me. So, I've seen a lotta kids and a lotta families and it's my sense that the greatest gift a parent can give a child is not to focus fully on them and make them the center of the family, but to love one's spouse and do so with skill. Kids learn by mimicking. So, if you fight with your spouse and do it openly and with skill, kids will note your tactics and replicate them.

Likewise, if you adore you spouse and do it well and openly, kids will think, "That's the sorta hubby/wifey I want to be. And that's the sorta hubby/wifey I want to find."

When kids are born, too much attention can turn to them and the primary relationship in the family, that between the spouses, can suffer. If it suffers, it might collapse. And if it suffers, kids will witness and might mimic bad traits instead of good ones.

I understand that we're supposed to say we'd yank off our arms for our kids and swing away, but is a relationship without boundaries, with unfettered giving, best for a tyke. It sure isn't going to be replicated later in their life.

Thanks for allowing dissent.

Hugs and kisses,

Little Miss Holly


I'm sorry Holly, but I agree with you too much.

My wife and I are fully aware that our roles as spouses are as important, indirectly, as is our direct parenting. If I am a bad husband for ignoring my wife and lavishing too much attention on my kids, that's a double whammy.

To incorporate a child (children) INTO a family rather than making him the centre of all of it is very important. When I spoke of sacrifice and singleminded dedication of a mother (or father, for that matter), I was alluding more to the intangibles that a child will never know of directly but still benefit from.

Leading by example is very much key.

Holly Capote



This was great, and timely to me, because I finished the opening paragraph of my next post (not quite posted yet) thusly:

To those who, even after marriage, ask what love is, I say you may never know unless you have a child.

We have a very loving relationship, and Ben is always sure to remind us to give each other a "kiss and a hug" before I leave for work. He's fully aware of the ways in which we do and do not get along, and he's only just about to turn three.


When I first found out JJ was to be with Penis I cried all the way home from the office...what was I going to do with a Penis? I was afraid I would never bond with a boy and it scared me.

It funny now as I think my bond with JJ is more than with Diva. She's more Daddy's girl. JJ and I just click..not sure what it is. We're just one.

I love Diva to the moon but it's just different. And that's okay too. My kids mean the world to me..with our without a penis.

Holly Capote

It's nice when life bushwhacks us, TerriTorial. I'm from a family of 7. My Dad loved me most. This was apparent to all my sibs and it's inevitable. Love wanes and waxes and is never equal. Parents can't choose to love equally, but they can choose to love well through the differences.

Rosanne/Roxy/Step Mom/Your Dads Wife/Baba

We both remember receiving this
lovely gift -kowing that you - and now finding out that your mom finished it - I think it was made "from the heart" - it made me, as your "step mom" - I hate that term - feel special and welcome into your life - even if that wasn't the case many times. We had it hanging for a L O N G time and still have it - 20+ years later - would never part with it.


the Mater

An absolutely beautiful piece of writing, Si. I'd be proud to call you my son too.

Your mom is one classy lady. What she did took courage and generosity of spirit. I hope she has been repaid a hundredfold since then.

Someone once said: "The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother." I have no doubt that you and Amy are bringing up your sons in such a home.

God bless!

the Mater



Isn't it amazing, how much we learn about our own parents, as we parent our own children? Quite the eye-opener.
In a month, I will officially become an empty-nester. I'm so happy to have raised two happy, independent children to adulthood, but sometimes I so miss those days when my kids were my own. I can't imagine anything I could do in my life that would surpass having and loving my son and daughter. However, I hear that having grandkids is pretty cool. We shall see ...


Amazing story.

I found the delivery of the gift on the day of your father's wedding the most amazing thing. My inlaws are divorced and both remarried and still will not speak to one another a deacde later. The gift your mother gave you that weekend is priceless.

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