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Sunday, 25 June 2006

Comments

Mark

I echo many of these sentiments. I spend a few minutes talking to friends of times past, especially those still single, and quickly run out of conversation. Over the years, as we spend less time together, all we have are the adventures of the past, and re-hashing those gets old after a while.

marian

You know, Si, I don't think this dichotomy has healed itself yet even for me, and Max is 19 and going away to school. Our childless friends continue to have a life very different from our own, with other priorities and values. They have become, over the years, more rather than less selfish, it seems to me. Not to put too fine a point on it. Some of them now even seem to fit into the stubborn old codger category — people who don't like children, can't tolerate any kind of mess, get upset if someone walks through their yard unbidden and god forbid steps on a flower, hate any kind of noise, and seem unable to stand any sort of lack of control.

Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but they seem to be in the minority.

I no longer envy the childless couples their freedom. My own freedom has returned, more or less, and with it the rewards of 19 years of relative isolation, sacrifice of my personal agenda, and inconvenience: depth, flexibility, tolerance, joy, and a love of children.

And Simon, this is the subject of a post I was considering for this weekend, after a few of these couples attended Max's grad party and afterwards one in particular let it be known that they felt uncomfortable, and don't like teenagers. But those same people who said these things are nonetheless dear to us, and read my blog. So thanks!

Mark

'Nother comment on the same entry.

We were married for 11 years before Ben was born, so the adjustment was a bit tough after we had grown so accustomed to spontaneity and lack of commitments.

Now, we don't know what the heck we did with our time, but I suspect we just watched a lot more TV.

Simon

Marian, your comment reminds me of the next door neighbours that Chevy Chase had in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Totally. Nice to hear that there are those rewards out the end of it. Not that I don't feel them already, but they're still just budding. Kind of reminds me of Robert Frost's poem: The Road Not Taken.

Mark, I can REALLY relate to rehashing the old stories thing. And if I could, I'd put a sledgehammer through my TV today, though it mean no more Discovery Channel.

elizabeth

I had a friend who was childless despite years of trying. She once confided to me that seeing friends who'd had children begin to drift away and associate more frequently with others who also had children was VERY hard on her. She felt like a leper. Just adding this here so that you know that some friends still want to be included when you have time, even if they can't/don't have children. And they do understand the lack of time issue, just not the 'we have time for them, but not you' gig. Not that I think you do that, just....sayin'. It was an eye-opener for me. I had figured childless couples wouldn't WANT to be climbed on by my tazmanian devils.

BOB

As one of those childless couples I can say it does not matter to me if my family or friends brings the kids over to the house or not. We like having visitors and are just as cranky and bitchy about getting ready to go (at least one half of us is....) than it is when my brother or sister packs up their brood and brings them along.

Also, this is a wonderful thing this Internet idea. I stay in touch with more people and can keep more in tune with what is happening to everyone without the inconvience of feeding guests ;)


I have not had the pleasure of Si's or Elizabeth's kids to throw in the air or toss up on my shoulders. Then again the mothers are likely just as happy for that as well.

Fewer but better gatherings of friends is what I look forward to.

BOB

Jadon
I spend a few minutes talking to friends of times past, especially those still single, and quickly run out of conversation. Over the years, as we spend less time together, all we have are the adventures of the past, and re-hashing those gets old after a while.

True Mark, but it's not easy from the single's point of view either. We feel the distance, and don't know how to adapt without feeling that it's skewed towards the couple. I mean, as a single myself, it's really difficult to know when I'm being greedy for someone's presence or whether there's too many obstacles to accomodate. It's awkward at best.

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