The good, the bad and the ugly

Wherein the health of our sons is relatively assured,
Pine cones are fear-inducing,
And mathematics hits an all-time low.

The good:

Tavish is stricken solely with a UTI, as the medical lingo goes for a uninary tract infection.  His kidneys are fine and all he has to do is takes two weeks' worth of oral antibiotics.  Our collection of oral syringes around this house has grown rather staggering in the nearly two months of his existence.

My wife, going to bed with me last night, again expressed her incredulity at my near-nonchalance in regards to our infant's recent physical distress.  "I don't understand how you can remain so calm when something happens to him that's totally out of our control!"

She hit the nail on the head.  We'll do the best we can by our sons.  Those aspects of their lives over which we have no control seem to induce in me a sort of karmic acceptance and I am reminded of the Serenity Prayer.  For me, I think it really is just that simple.

 

(I'm a man, remember.  Simple.)

I offered to trade some of that preternatural calm for my wife's when it comes to minor household disasters like dog poop.

The bad:

Declan will have to be retrained, somehow, to overcome his fear of debris.  With my missus at the hospital yesterday, the boy and I went for a walk out the front of the house.  We started on the driveway and actually made it a full two blocks away from home - Declan on tiptoes, clutching my finger and moaning sporadically in fear - before an errant gust of wind disturbed a heretofore complacent pine cone, inducing it to shudder menacingly... right in front of him.  His little fists dug fiercely into my thigh, his face buried, lamentably, in my bum, and a plaintive, muffled voice pleaded, "Up!  UP!!!"

He got to ride home on Dad's shoulders.

The ugly:

I weep for standards of intelligence.

Got a phone call at work yesterday from the contest folks at Tim Hortons. My winning entry had been received and all that remained was for me to answer the skill-testing question as required by Canadian law.

Timmy Ho Gal: I will state each part of this three-part skill testing question and I would like you to repeat it back to me before I move on to the next part.  Please speak loudly and clearly since this conversation is being recorded for quality purposes.  Please have a pen and paper ready.  Do you understand?

Simon: Yes.  I.  Do.  (enunciating clearly)

THG: All right then.  The first part of the three-part question is: Multiply 2 x 11.

SF: 2 x 11.  Gotcha.

THG:  Now, from that answer, subtract 2.

SF: Subtract 2.  Right.

THG: Finally, to that second answer, please add 9.

SF: Add 9.  I'm still with you.

THG:  Could you please repeat the entire question back to me to ensure it has been understood in its entirety?

SF: Sure thing.  Two times eleven.  Then subtract two.  And lastly, add nine.

THG: That's correct.  YOU NOW HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO COME UP WITH YOUR ANSWER.

SF:  Five minutes?

THG:  That is correct.

SF:  Umm, oh - kaaaaaayyy.  I think the answer is 29.

THG: That is the correct answer.  Your Broilking Barbeque will be sent to the Tim Hortons store you referenced in your entry form and will arrive within six weeks.  You will be contacted upon its arrival.  Please bring somebody with you when you go to pick it up as it is quite heavy.  Congratulations on your win!

SF: Uh, thanks.  Bye!

*****

(Five minutes?!)

Comments

[rick]

Simon, that's good news about Tavish. Now we can all take another relaxed turn or two around the Titanic's boat deck.

Declan's temporary aversion to coniferous debris will surely pass, perhaps to be temporarily replaced by a loathing of deciduous cast-offs, but even that too shall pass.

Did you use a calculator?

[Simon]

I am soooo not going to answer that.
:)

[rick]

Marian can attest that even with a calculator I could have used the full five minutes and still come up with some thing astonishing; Timmy Ho wasn't seriously misunderestimating (thanks, Mr Bush) the math competence of some of us.

[TerriTorial]

Timmy Ho. Do you think if I order a double double and say "Thank you Timmy Ho" they'll smile? That is my Todays favourite word..which is good. I can't get Trampampoline out of my head.

Glad Tavish is okay. UTIs suck.

And very sorry to hear Declan is so scared of pine cones...but really, look at them...scarey little things they are.

[Linda]

The Good is Great, the Bad is Temporary for sure and the Ugly? Very Sad... and a bit scary.

[Paul]

I am ecstatic to hear that Tavish's malady is of the temporary and easily dealt with nature. Could Declan's sudden pine cone aversion be an attention grabbing strategy due to a rival's arrival? I was going to comment on your previous entry to the effect that getting uptight about something over which one has no control doesn't add to the problem solving strategy, so why bother? The little guy was going to get the appropriate care in the most expeditious manner regardless of his father's relative calmness or tension.

Also, that calmness is nothing more than an outward projection. Your gut was wrenched no less than hers, I'll warrant.

[marian]

Very good news about Tavish. I don't buy the attention-grabbing thing with Declan. Kids always go through phases of weird fears. They come and go. It could have been initiated by a dream, even. For whatever reason it sounds to me as though Declan believes that debris, because it moves with the wind, can move under its own power and malevolently, which perhaps it did in a dream, or maybe he saw something in a cartoon that made him think it's possible.

It'll just take a little time for him to understand that he's bigger and more powerful than a pinecone. Be patient with the poor little guy. On the day that you think you can't stand another minute of it, he'll get over it.

Just be glad it isn't his shadow that freaks him out because, believe me, THAT one is not pretty.

As for the math thing, I don't get it. Why did you have to do that in order to collect a grill? Under Canadian law? When you have a minute -- no hurry.

[Simon]

Paul, shut up or you'll blow my cover.

[rick]

"The steadiness of the wise man is only the art of keeping his agitations locked within his breast"?

[Paul]

Marian,

Yes, Canadian law states that one may not ever receive something for nothing. So all contests have attached to them a "skill testing question." So, you see, Simon did not win a BBQ simply by rolling up the rim of his coffee cup. That only qualified him to win. He actually was declared the winner when he answered (in record time, no less) the "skill testing question." I'm just glad they didn't ask him what his favourite colour was.

[Mark]

For a free BBQ? I would hope you used a calculator. Especially when overtaxed by a new infant in the house and a toddler suffering pineconophobia, the human brain cannot be trusted with mathematical ruminations.

I may have my new comment validation question. Thanks.