Red, white and biased

Why can't we all just get along, eh?

 

(Rambling post, and really rather inconclusive in the end.)

A red-blooded American husband comes home after work to his free thinking, liberal, independent, ambitious yet domestically-inclined wife, wraps his brawny arms around the waist of the woman that gave birth to their two point three beautiful children, his shirt sleeves still rolled up to his elbows, bends her back into a dip, kisses her passionately, looks deep into her adoring eyes and vocalizes the irrefutable Truth whose purity is almost sullied by words: "I love you."

A nice Canadian man ambles up to his front porch after a day's work, finds that he doesn't need the keys he pulled out since the front door is already unlocked, opens the door, hangs up his hat and coat, wipes off his shoes and saunters into the kitchen where he gives his wife a peck on the cheek with a habitually sincere, "I love you, eh?"

You can't end a sentence with "EH" and not turn it into a question.  I love you... if that's all right with you.  Please don't feel that you have to say it in return just because I said it first.  In fact, you don't have to feel obligated to love me at all, let alone appease my feelings by telling me you do.  And now that I think about it, you may actually be better off loving somebody else.  Do you remember Todd?  From freshman year at university?  I'm pretty sure he liked you back then, and I hear he's on Bay Street and single.  It won't take but a phone call to the lawyer to get the paperwork started; we can be divorced by Friday.  You pack, I'll tell the kids the good news.

*****

One of the biggest differences between Americans and Canadians is that of identity.  Both actual and perceived.

Not only is Canada a much smaller country relative to the United States in all but geography, but we're a younger nation to boot.  Though we became the Dominion of Canada in 1867, we never claimed the red maple leaf for our distinctive flag until 1965.  That was hardly 40 years ago.  Until then, we flew under the British Union Jack or some variation of the Red Ensign.

Our big brother casts a mighty big shadow.  It can be difficult to establish a distinct identity when occluded by so much inadvertent influence.  And some not so inadvertent.

(I was going to speak in sweeping generalisations regarding Canucks versus Yanks, but am really no authority to do so, and find that I articulate myself better when speaking personally.  So shall I do.)

An interesting aside is that I'll wager there is a far higher percentage of Canadians that can sing the Star Spangled Banner by rote versus the same being said of Americans singing Oh, Canada.  And I'd also wager the overwhelming reason for that can be attributed to hockey.

When travelling abroad, I don't so much dislike being mistaken for American as I would rather tout my Canadianinity.  I have found that Americans generally wear their patriotism on their sleeve - as they do have much to be proud of - whereas my own love of country is a more personal, intimate affair, tattooed discretely and blood-red above my heart.  The slightly disparate sentiments can be seen reflected in the national anthems: "These broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight..." versus, "True patriot love, in all thy Son's command..."

America really is such a great thing, when viewed in the light of the ideal of what it ought to be.  If I can be so presumptuous to say what a country ought to be.  I have bookmarked and sporadically read The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies and also the Gettysburg Address.

I especially am grown fond of one line taken from each which, conjointly, summon a certain sense of the ideal:

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.

As a Canadian, it would be less onerous growing under the shadow of such eloquence, but there is no great and bloody civil war to bring us all together in idealistic fraternity.  And I am a pragmatist as much as I espouse ideals.  And today's truth of the matter is a far cry from the ideal.

So, again, as a Canadian, I don't so much distance myself from what I am not as embrace what I am.

I think it's geekily endearing that there is no other nation so good at combining beer, curling and hockey.  We may be mocked by the likes of Brits and Germans for the swill we call beer, but we can claim to make a better brew than those wussy Americans, and ain't nobody on this Earth can lob a 44 pound stone down a pebbled sheet of ice to draw to the button after having shotgunned two beer better than a Crazy Canuck.  And it's a safe bet that 90% of Canadians alive today can more easily bring to mind the year 1972 versus 1867; and think it more significant for us as a nation.  We are defined by such things.

I remember my honeymoon in Costa Rica and an evening spent in the shallow end of the resort pool, double fisting some rum'n'coke since the in-pool bar had closed and I needed to maintain a supply.  I was joined by a couple other Canadian vacationers and an American duo; we spent an hour half-drunkenly chatting up a local who spoke not a word of English.  It was one of the best memories of the trip.  Then we started into Canada versus US ad hoc Jeopardy, which the American Duo immediately dubbed, "Let's See How Dumb the Americans Are."  You'd think the capital city of Canada would be an easy hit.  But it's NOT Toronto. 

Americans can rest secure in the knowledge that there are many Torontonians who would be even more shocked when similarly disabused of that spurious claim.  That's a joke.  And funny.  If you're not from Toronto.

This is where I don't make any comments on the American educational system.  There exists a dichotomy in that America hosts 22 of the top 30 ranked universities in THE WORLD, but also promulgates the sort of mentality that brings rise to the recent kerfuffle in Dover, Pennsylvania. 

WTF?!?!

(I also remember, with slightly more consternation and less sex than my honeymoon, a university fraternity road trip from Edmonton, Alberta to Moscow, Idaho where I was one of the two sober drivers on the 16 hour ordeal.  We were gently handled by a surprisingly tolerant US border guard on the way south, who must have been inordinately amused at the van full of drunken college kids who responded, when asked if we intended to leave anything behind while in the US, nearly in unison: "Semen!"  That same camarilla of consanguineous heavyweights amused themselves on the rest of the trip with the rallying cry: "Who da ho? ...  Idaho!"  It was a fun weekend across the border, though.)

The details of our written language also differentiate us from US.  We have humour to their humor, but does that make us better neighbours?  We have to labor longer to write labour, but is it really that big a deal?  And why does Dr. John Gray, aside from being from Mars, spell his last name incorrectly?  Does he check it each time he signs a cheque?

Canadians have kept more of the traditional English spelling of, um, ENGLISH!, than have our American compatriots.  (I laugh to myself every time I have to select from a drop-down list on new software that requires language preference: what the heck is 'American' English?)  But then why don't we Canadians also use use "programme" instead of "program"?  Or aeroplane, connexion, draught, tyre and their ilk?

We have to differentiate ourselves from the English too, you see.  Even though we pepper our currency with their disembodied heads and have to play at seeking approval for the appointment of each Prime Minister from their figurehead representative.  The issue of Canadian identity can be very confusing.

So before I completely lose my train of thought, I may have some disparaging commentary on Americans in general at times, especially as concerns ignorance aboot Canada, but I have yet to spend any significant amount of time with a single goddam Yank and have come away thinking ill of him or her.  I suppose, loosely, the same could be said of religion and worshippers, but that's another topic entirely.

I have actually developed quite a fondness for some.  There's a deracinated Georgian Peach in Virginia; I work with an earnest and likeable contractor from N. Carolina; I know a loud-mouthed Floridian with an aversion to sitting down and a penchant for buying his friends dinner; a Texas family man who completely belies the Lone Star State's redneck stereotype shared by my own province of Alberta, (though don't ask him about his parent's 'shotgun' second wedding); a Massachusetts mama with the good sense to have snared a Canadian husband and who wants to arrange her daughters' marriage to my boys; an introspective and emotionally ebullient mother / grandmother somewhere in the North-East with a fierce passion for The Replacements; a Minnesota couple that reminds me alarmingly of me and my wife, several years from now (except for the ferret thing)...  some others I could go on naming.

Bringing this whole international relations thing down to the interpersonal level makes it a bunch easier.  But it's harder to scape-goat that way, when you have to look a person in the eye.

In summary, I'm proud to be a Canadian and I like me some Americans.

*****

And finally, to paraphrase the great American writer, Mark Twain:

I apologize for the length of this post, but I did not have time to make it shorter.

Comments

[Linda]

Very eloquent and interesting read, Wunder. In my world, rosy and naive it may be (but I'm pretty happy here) people are people, not colors or ethnicities nor even genders sometimes. I never knew a single Canuck in my life before last November and the three that I know now I love and cherish as dear friends. I wouldn't care where any of you hailed from. But I do love making fun of your "English". But I also make fun of Southerners from the Us. And New Yawkuz as well. You're welcome to make fun of me too.
(Had to look up "ebullient", thought it was Canadian English ;-) Thanks for the compliment.

[marian]

Simon I was really hoping that Rick might get some work done today but obviously you have other plans for him. Thanks a bunch.

When Max went to France for 3 weeks as a high school sophomore, Rick gave him a little maple-leaf pin to wear on his lapel, eh. A bit of subtle subterfuge.

Max had a wonderful experience in France. He came home saying "I LOVE the French! They don't give a shit about ANYTHING!" And we'll never know if it was being faux-Canadian made it so.

[rick]

Well writ, Simon, you silver-keyboarded devil. Your expository paragraph on "Eh" alone is worth the price of admission.

Now back to work, for a bit anyway.

[Mark]

Yes, a great read. Hilarious paragraph on the Canadian man's offer to fix his wife up with an old acquaintance.

Perhaps I bely the Texas stereotypes because I'm a recent transplant from Arkansas. We won't even touch the stereotypes that brings to mind. I'll just say that, for a long time, Arkansas' motto has been, "Thank God for Mississippi."

I am glad to live in the U.S., but I expect I could be very happy in any number of countries. I am amazed at how the U.S. came to be a nation (and now quite intrigued at Canada's origin). Nevertheless, I feel discontent regarding our country's current path, and get concerned when supposed patriots persecute anybody who questions our government's actions. If you want to dictate how people think and feel, then we have no place for you.

I could go on and on about how the U.S. as a whole (a hole?) places far too much importance on the entertainment and sports industries (lines getting blurrier every day), or how the education system is too touchy-feely to prepare kids for the working world. A customer or a boss will neither grade you on a curve nor give you projects for extra credit. Whether we like or dislike American economic and governmental systems, we must give youngsters both the tools to succeed and the freedom to effect change.

So, back to the original topic. There are jerks in every crowd, whether in the local stamp club or an entire country. They tend to be the loudest and, therefore, the template by which that group is judged. I will not judge Canada by her jerks, and I hope readers will give the U.S.A. the same consideration.

[Simon]

Mark, I laughed at reading Arkansas' presumably unofficial motto. I have an "Homage to the South" video clip I'll have to share with you.

And I would just LOVE to see a stamp collector jerk. That would be a funny man!

[Alec]

Let me add my kudos on your post Simon--you're no hoser. What impresses me the most is that you still have time and energy for such long and thoughtful comments.

There's something I've always found interesting about the spelling differnces (because I know so much when it comes to spelling of course ;). During a summer job I had for a couple years when I was typing up newspaper articles from the 19th century I discovered that, in Nova Scotia at least, Canadian newspapers used to use the American spelling of words (no adding that extra "u.") And this was a time when Canada's ties to Briton were extremely strong. Yet now, even though we're much more tied to the United States, we of course don't use the American spelling. I wonder when the chagne happened.

-Alec

p.s.: Thanks for calling me a "deracinated Georgian Peach" but I moved to Texas, remember? ;)

[Tamara]

Alec, of course, has determined to create a new system of Canadian spelling that bears no ties to either the British or the American, and to slip the new words in gradually so we never notice the "chagne."

- Tamara

[rick]

Perhaps "chagne" is a halfway point in melding Canadian English with Canadian French....

[Paula]

I just like Alec's 'differnces', or is that Texas talk? ;)

[Simon]

Alec, the rest of the commenters have picked on your spelling far more than I would have; you must be truly loved for such gentle jibes! Especially that wife of yours. I totally missed that one, Tamara!

And I kinda like the term 'Hoser'.

But since you're obviously not the deracinated Georgian Peach, would you then be the deracinated Scotian Screech? Or is that fine beverage restricted to The Rock?

[Alec]

Alright then Simon. You're a hoser and a knob (the Canadian version of "officer and a gentleman"?)

p.s.: I mentioned to my wife how you have as good a...what's the word?...you know...when you gots lots of words...vocaba something or other...as she does, even using "deracinated" in a sentence. To which she looks at me confused but serious, saying "well, it's intuitive isn't it?"

Of course, this is the same lady who used 'defenestration' in a conversation with the other day (please don't ask why she needed to throw that particular word at me!)

-Alec

[rick]

Texanadian?

[Mark]

Alec, thanks for the word "defenestration." Usually I think of Asian languages when a single word stands for such a specific action. I love it.

[Alec]

So, my browser opened up to Yahoo Canada, and there in the news section, one on top of the other, were two headlines which perhaps sum up the Canada/America difference:

Bush refuses to rule out nuclear strike on Iran

Harper says he'd rather be a hockey player

--
Given recent conversations here, the unexpected headline line-up gave me a laugh. (which isn't my typical reaction to headlines that include the words nurclear strike or Harper)

-Alec

[Alec]

Looking at my most recent typo, I can now picture even Homer saying as he looks sagely down upon me: "it's pronounced 'nuc-le-ar.'"

[Simon]

I must be getting innured to you, Alec. Either that, or I was laughing too hard at the combination of those two headlines.

That really does sum it up, doesn't it?

[Tina]

Thanks for an interesting entry. Whenever I go back home to Toronto for a visit ( funny that I would say 'home' .... I've lived in California since I was five ) I always enjoy discussing with my relatives there, what the prevailing thoughts are about their neighbors south of the border. You've done a great job of summing up their expressed opinions. Tina