I, for one, welcome our new Domestic Overlord

My wife can now claim to have fulfilled her lifelong fantasy of being manhandled on her bed by a large, strapping man in uniform.

Unfortunately, it was not her husband, there were actually six of them, and not a one had taken the time to wipe the snow off their boots on the way in.

Some fantasies don't coalesce quite the way originally envisioned.

Having been sent home by the doctor late Friday afternoon after spending nearly 12 hours at the hospital progressing through the various stages of 'early' labour, my wife found herself kneeling over the edge of the bathtub, straining for the water taps and the hot shower she craved, when she passed water in slightly more dramatic fashion than usual.

"SIMON!!"

"Yeah?" [shouting match through closed door]

"My water broke!"

"Uh, Okay!!" [what the hell else do you say?]

Eschewing the shower for the more pressing matter at hand, my stalwart wife made it from the colloquially apt 'water closet' to the bedroom in an effort to change her garments and ready her already shaken constitution for another bumpy ride in the truck, back to the hospital.

I was concerned for her.  "Honey?  Are you okay?"

"Don't come in here!"  Though Propriety has never stayed long at our house, the few times she does come by she makes her presence known with a vengeance.

Some few moments passed; I spent these in the hallway, pointedly not going into the bedroom.  Tits on a bull are all manner of useful in comparison.

We replayed the previous conversation.

"SIMON!!"

"Yeah?" [shouting through the open bedroom door]

"I can't move!"

"Uh, Okay!"

This time I didn't wait for her permission to join her, and found my wife leaning over the bed, engaged in contractions and vocalising the fact that although she was trying real hard not to, she had absolutely no option but to PUSH when they came.

Being as helpful as I was able, I offered to assist her with her pants, at which point she kindly reiterated the fact that she could not move.  At.  All.

I stood there rubbing her back and looking concerned until she - again very kindly - told me to stop doing that.

In my suddenly inactive stupour, inspiration hit.

"Maybe I should call the paramedics?"

Frikkin' genius!!  Amy looked up at me with a glow of what I can only hope to describe as eternal gratitude.  Her mind had been otherwise engaged and, she told me later, was thinking of nothing but the fact that I had thankfully taken a St. John's first aid course, which included instruction on emergency child birth.  I will admit that my mind had started to wend its way to the kitchen drawer where we keep the plastic clips used to seal the freshness in opened potato chip bags.  In this situation a couple of the small ones would be rather apropos of clamping off the umbilical cord.

But the paramedic idea was better.

Everything else happened so fast it's rather hard to recollect.

The ambulance arrived within three minutes of my phone call and Amy hadn't moved but to emit some rather primal noises.  She had really been looking forward to that epidural.

I was sent to throw a handful of towels into the dryer for the benefit of both my spouse and the new baby that, it became readily evident, was going to arrive in rather short order on our relatively brand new mattress.

(I don't feel guilty about mentioning the mattress since, again after the fact, Amy told me that was her first concern was trying to tell the Strapping Man in Uniform to lay her down on the floor rather than the bed, in order to save the mattress.  No go.)

I heard an unexpected squalling as I trotted up the stairs with an armful of warm towels in my hand, only to have them whisked away from me.  Then was I immediately confronted with the image of a Second Strapping Man in Uniform, wielding a scalpel in front of my face.

"You wanna cut the cord?  It's a boy."

I dutifully sawed at the remarkably tough grey matter and was pleased to note a very pink, loud blob attached to one end of it, replete with the requisite number of fingers, toes and manly bits.

It was here that I was chastised by my wife for grabbing the Ralph Lauren towels, one of our wedding gifts of nearly three years ago.

Mom and baby were bundled into the ambulance and whisked back to the hospital that they had left not quite an hour previous.  Feeling less than able to follow behind in my truck, I stayed behind for the next hour to tidy up and made a few phone calls.

*****

Mom and son are now doing incredibly well at the hospital, from which I am on leave for a couple hours at most.  Due to having given birth outside the hospital, my wife and son are confined there for 36 hours and can expect to be allowed home some time Sunday morning.  Ish.

The boy has maintained an incredibly stoic demeanour in the face of being bathed, having both arms and both heels poked for blood, and suffering through innumerable camera flashes.

Tavish Aaron Fraser was born at 4.52 pm, on Friday, March the 3rd, 2006.

He weighed 8 lbs, 3 oz.

He measured 19.5 inches.

He is in perfect health, as is his mother.  Like his big brother before him - and having acquired what must be a paternal trait - he has taken quite flawlessly to his mommy's boobies.

I have to go get a large coffee and some supper for myself, so will end with a few photos taken during the first 24 hours.  Big Brother Declan seems rather smitten, so that's a good thing.

(Click to embiggen)

*****

(This was the only picture of my wife that passed muster and which I'm permitted to post.)

Comments

[Linda]

This is incredibly WONDERFUL. You all look radiant and Tavish (Love that name too) is absolutely adorable! I am sooooo happy for all of you. Sleep well tonight My Friend.
Give hugs and kisses xxxx oooo
****

[Jenn]

OH MY DEAR GOD!!!!! I thought you had to be kidding, but no, you were not kidding, not kidding in the least! Amy is a goddess! A veritable childbirth goddess! A home birth. Beautiful. I bow down to that wife of yours. Congratulations on your new family configuration. So happy for you guys, and what a great story you'll have to tell at his wedding someday.

Yay, Tavish! (Irish?)

I STILL CAN'T QUITE BELIEVE IT!!!! SIX PARAMEDICS!!! RALPH LAUREN TOWELS!!!! YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP, CAN YOU??

[Marc]

Congratulations guys! Dixie has been checking your blog for updates all day and was getting really anxious (I'm sure she'll leave a comment). You've given her baby fever--or at least more baby fever.

I admit with some shame that I find the title to this post almost as exciting as the news within.

[David]

Amazing! Wonderful! What a story! What a blessing that all are happy and well. What a force of nature birth is! All the best,

David

[Sheryl]

You're all just beautiful! Congratulations! (LOL about the Ralph Lauren towels.)

[Mark]

As I once heard a redneck say: Nicely did.

Now, Simon, I know from your blog that you two are do-it-yourself-ers, and I've heard of stick-to-it-iv-ness, but how sticky can you get? (nods to Daffy Duck)

Many congratulations. I understand that you can't go posting actual mailing addresses, but I'm almost inspired to send an old-fashioned Hallmark card.

Unbelievable. Remarkable. A story that, as one earlier comment stated, cannot be made up.

Mark

[Alvis]

That's a cute youngin'.

[jennie]

Wow Simon, congratulations... and Tavish is a beautiful name, for a beautiful little boy. Looks like you've got 2 little heartbreakers on your hands now ;).

[marian]

Well done! He's beautiful -- you all are. Thanks so much for sharing all this with the interworld.

[Émilie Bee]

Woah! Nice (and pretty scary, from my viewpoint) story... Delightful pictures :) Too bad for the mattress (it'll be worth reading the warranty now) but you have to admit the consolation prize is, well, priceless!

Best wishes of continuating happiness to all the family members! :)

[Dixie]

Yes congratulations. Tavish -- very cool name. May you call him "McTavish!" with a Scottish accent all your days.

I'm so glad everyone is healthy and doing well. And I hope you all can get some rest and enjoy these first few days together. They're exhausting, but so wonderful!

And, THANK YOU for the email announcement. I seriously checked my computer probably 50 times on Saturday waiting to see the pictures and hear all the details.

And he's beautiful. Love the light hair! And tell Amy, we're all very proud of her!!!

[Jim (of Brazil)]

Another boy! Welcome to the club! My belated congratulations!

Being out of town, I missed out on the "semi-realtime-birth-at-home-blogging". Very exciting ... at least, the kind of "exciting" that you only really recognize as such when it's all over!

[Russ]

What a fantastic story... Congratulations Simon, and Amy!

[the Mater]

Well, I just got here this morning and am reading your blog backwards so I've now answered my previous question ... Tavish!

Tavish and Declan ... they can become a publishing company one day or soulful folksinger duo.

What a story - I see that Jenn is in awe (as I) and bow down to God and Goddess of Home Delivery. So glad to read that both mom and son came through like champs. You, on the other hand, sound a bit shaken and may take longer to recover.

That's a fine handsome dude you've produced. Congratulations!

[JuJuBee]

Wow! What a story! Kudos to Amy! Simon, your family is just gorgeous. Congratulations a million times over to you :) Can't wait for more photos!

[Monique]

Wow! What a way to enter the world! Congrats Amy and Simon! Great job Amy, he's absolutely beautiful.

[Tina]

Congrats, Simon ! Now, there's a kid that knows how to arrive in style ! Glad to hear that all is well with your wife and new baby, and that Declan is excited about his role as big brother . Take care, and Enjoy .... Tina

[Brad Huising]

Hello Fraser Family,

I thought I would add a big hello and congrats again to your family. Amy was very brave through the entire birth ( and a very good pusher ). I am glad this was one of the stories that turns out good. Thanks again for the visit at the firehall.

cheers, Brad Huising(a very happy paramedic).