Pet Peeves (part 4)

It's been a long time since I've updated any of my pet peeves on here, but an incident this morning reinforced one of the ones I feel most strongly about.

In fact, I feel so strongly about it that I refuse to go back and clean up the ass end of that last sentence; it just sounds wrong to me, but so be it.

I am not a horribly introverted man.  I used to be.  Much more so than I am now.  Conversation is still not one of my strong points, at least insofar as inanities go.  Engage me on some intellectual level though -- or philosophical, religious, contentious, several other -itiouses -- and I'll get much more animated.

Trying to engage me in random pleasantries will most often get you a rather laconic reply.  Striking up that sort of conversation in the men's room at work (or any other public rest room) might extract a couple syllables at most.

I have always failed to see the impetus behind conversing with the tile wall in front of you as you pointedly avoid making eye contact with the other person who is also, ostensibly, conversing with the tile wall in front of him.

Bathroom conversations should never progress beyond the following example:

Simon: "Hey."
Some guy:  "Hey."

Simple acknowledgement of the existence of the person with whom you just made eye contact is quite sufficient after one has crossed the boundary defined by the men's room door.  A single jerk of the head in lieu of any sort of vocalisation is also acceptable.  Almost preferred.

There are very few reasons for extending conversation beyond the example above.  The brief list below should give you an idea of what is acceptable:

1. "Building's on fire!"
2. There is no second reason.

I'm sorry, but anytime I have my hoojackapiffy in my hand, regardless of the reason, I don't really feel like talking.  I don't care who you are.

Comments

[Linda]

I can't believe you wrote that last sentence right above the invitation to post a comment.

[Alvis]

To your last two sentences: Amen, brother.

[honestyrain]

hoojackapiffy? i am so going to teach my son to call his a hoojackapiffy. because THAT'S funny.

[Mark]

Hoojackapiffy is my new favorite term for the Tom Johnson. In our building, the sales guys are the worst about doing this. They just can't NOT talk. And, no, I'm not cleaning up that sentence. Question: Ever notice how some guys put one hand on the flusher and rest it there to whole time they're peeing? Weird. I touch things in a public restroom as little as possible.

[Jenn]

Oh, it does the heart good to see hoojackapiffy in use again.

Note the very intentional usage of italics. Very necessary or your pregnant wife would clobber me over the head.

Loved this. I wish we could have you all over for a potluck.