Avast, ye land-lubbin', bilge-swabbin', one-eyed, peg-legged varmints!!
Thar be what some might be callin' gratuitous photy-graphs of me first born boy child ahead. If'n I come to hear, be it todee or be it 30 years from todee, that any o' you, or your'n or yer filthly ilk have cast yer eyes (or your one good eye) on the visage o' me son and, thereupon, chose to cast aspersions on his likeness...
...well then, ye'd best git to composin' a poetical eulogy fer yourself. And I say 'poetical' for thar ain't a gonna be nuthin' in the leastwise artful about your untimely demise. It'll most likely involve a rusty cutlass, a fathom or two of anchor chain, several shots o' me best whiskey and a great deal of bleedin'. Yar! (The whiskey fer me and the bleedin' fer you, what ho!)
That er, um, uh... caveat, outta the way, avert thine eyes -- or squint up the one you don't wanna be wearin' a patch over fer the rest o' yer days -- and behold me freshly shorn spawn!! (He does 'is daddy right proud, that 'e does!)
BEFORE
AFTER
(The inexerienced or casual viewer may take the marks (below) on the boy's shirt to be those of peanut butter and jelly. Little do ye ken that those are in fact the bloodstains from the first hairdresser who came just a wee bit too close to me boy's ear with 'er clippers. The second one, well, she was much more careful, what with having to wade through a pool of her former co-worker's gore for the privilege of trimmin' me son's fair locks. They've been called 'caramel blond' by some, and keel-haul me if that just ain't a fair reckonin'! Don't let the boy's guileless gaze fool ye into complacency; ye'll not live to be fooled again!)
Wot a 'andsome lad ye got there, mate.
Aim not quite shor just why ye not be wantin' me ta look on yer boy, but thar ain't na way I'm lookin' away from such a darlin' wee fella. I will risk the loss a' my one good eye jus' ta gaze upon the likes a' yer fine, fine son. Now that we be agreein' on yet another thing, might I compliment ya on yer amazin' diction, ya filthy brine-swillin' swine. ;-)
Posted by: Linda | Sunday, 08 January 2006 at 07:42 AM
God I love love love him. And he looks so good with his haircut! I've been giving my boys haircuts with a comb on the electric razor since forever. It makes the hair short and I don't have to do anything with it! Wash and dry! No styling.
You're lucky that all he wants to eat is the shoelace. There have been many times in the car that I have turned arond and found the toe of his shoe in his mouth. Most likely covered in mud and debris.
YUCK
Posted by: Kristen | Sunday, 08 January 2006 at 10:08 AM