Putting the 'idiot' back in idiosyncracy

People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.

~Dan Quayle

Five Weird Things About the Simian:

1. Ice cube trays. 

They must, M.U.S.T.!! always be filled up to the exact same level in each of the 14 individual receptacles.  The water level in each should stop approximately one millimetre from the top (discounting the meniscus) in order to allow for some minimal expansion of the water.

(Water, for those that don't know, is the only liquid that actually expands when it freezes.  If memory serves, the maximum volume is achieved at -4 degrees Celcius; that's 25 degrees Fahrenheit.)

If the water were to be filled to the top of each ice cube tray receptacle, then the subsequent expansion yields the potential for overflow and (gasp!) intermingling of what ought to be disparate H₂O.  This must NOT happen!

2. Counting stairs.

I have always, for as long as I can remember, counted stairs.  Always going up; never going down.  I suppose I figgered that somebody else must've, at some point, counted them while going up, so I never bother to on the descent.

More often than not, I also take stairs two at a time.  While this provides decent exercise and a more expedient rate of elevation, there's a part of me that appreciates how much more efficient it is to count them that way too.  Some times, just to live on the wild side, I'll start on stair ONE and count up in twos by the odd numbers.  Try it; it's harder than one would think. 

(As an aside to the stair thing, one of my biggest pet peeves is people who insist on STANDING STILL while riding an escalator.  I realise this is, like, about 95% of the general populace.  To me, it speaks to the willingness of the masses to eschew effort when an easy 'out' is available.  The elderly, those encumbered by children and the otherwise infirm are, of course, exempt from my contempt.   There is an absolutely AWESOME Kids in the Hall sketch that features this.)

3. T.P.

I don't care whose house I'm at or even if it's a public washroom, the toilet paper will always get swapped around so that the trailing sheet hangs off the front of the roll.  Public rest rooms that have them backwards yet locked in a stainless steel dispenser drive me a wee smidge batty.

4.  Fast food drink cups

I don't know when this started, but I've always depressed all the little plastic buttons (normally just three) on the lids of the fountain beverages I get at fast food joints.  If you're sitting at the same table as I am, yours are getting pressed too.  On those rare occasions when the cashier actually presses a single one down for a Root Beer or an Other, I feel slightly ripped off.

I especially get off on drive-through orders where I get four cups together in that recycled paper tray.  12 depressed buttons in such delightful proximity to each other just give me a warm fuzzy feeling of total Rightness.  (Not to infer that I order four drinks to myself for the sole purpose of pressing lid buttons... I mean c'mon!  That would just be nutty.)

5.  Ginger Ale

I will chug ginger ale for as long as humanly possible until forced to stop by the CO₂ induced pain in my esophagus, tears streaming down my face and a monstrous Hiccu-Burp on its way up.  I don't know what it is about ginger ale in particular, but it's the most difficult beverage (when ice cold and fully carbonated) to drink in large quantities at a single go. 

I have no problem downing a pint of beer in about five or six seconds.  But I have yet to achieve the Zen of completing a full 355 millilitre can of Canada Dry Ginger Ale (the champagne of ginger ales) in a single continuous stream.  One day...

*****

Via Dixie

Comments

[Paula]

Re: t.p. That's it - you're not welcome back in MY house anymore ;)

[Dixie]

I'm in full agreement about the toilet paper. My reasoning won that argument when Marc and I first got married.

[Marc]

exCUUUUSE me? Your "reasoning" "won" that argument? I don't think so. I'm still convinced that, under the right circumstances, having the toilet paper roll under (or behind) the roll is better for one-handed maneuvering. If one is inclined to snap off the toilet paper with a quick flip of the wrist, the risk of uncoiling half of the roll is reduced significantly if the toilet paper hangs behind the roll.

Having said that, if one is in close quarters--for instance, if the roll of toilet paper grazes your thigh as you sit--over-the-top positioning of the roll is easier to deal with.

Incidentally, Simon, I also like to punch in all the little buttons on the fast food drink cups!

[elizabeths]

So are you saying Declan hasn't yet discovered the joys of unrolling the entire roll of t.p.? 'Cuz, dude, you'll so have to recant then...

Oh, and Canada Dry is ambrosia. That is all.

[Linda]

I do the same with the ice, BUT, do you slide the tray up and back under the faucet at an even speed as many times as needed (usually two)or fill each receptacle individually before you move on to the next?
I count stairs AND the cement blocks in the sidewalk from the parking lot to the entrance at work, but just up and in, not down or out. The escalator thing, depends on whether I'm wearing heels and/or feeling brave. You're wrong about the TP, Marc has it exactly right. I USED to push down the buttons on the cup lids until once the lid was not on tight and you can imagine what happened. I chug rootbeer, not ginger ale. Scary how much you have in common with a 49-year old woman, Si. ;-)

[Mark]

I'm a little late getting in on this one, but I had to chime in.

Rock on with the TP, Simon! I do the same thing, and I sometimes wonder if I upset some TP system or if they pay no attention to the way it hangs.

Counting things -- I count lots of things.

We don't use ice trays anymore, but when we did, I liked to run the water in only the first two receptacles, then tilt the tray to let the water run down and fill the rest. And yes, you must avoid overfilling. If not, you get "pop ice" all over when you crack the trays, and subsequently get little wet spots on your socks -- another pet peeve of mine.

[BOB]

Si, you have never had cats or other small curious beings in your house before.

TP needs to roll under - that was they can roll, roll, roll, and it just keeps going around.

Going over just leads to huge piles on the floor every afternoon when you get home.

BOB

[Alec Lynch]

I've got to add my voice to the "over" people. Not only is this morally correct, but studies show (yes, there have been studies) that overall people waste less paper this way. That said, numerous experts (no, there aren't actually experts) do make an exception for households with toddlers.

As always, wikipedia (look under installation) is informative.

-Alec

[Paul]

Did you know that most toilet paper has one side that is softer, and one side that is less soft?

Think about it.