God: Frustrated?
Si: Yeah! All to hell these days since... hey! Shouldn't I be the one starting these conversations?
God: Didn't know there was a pre-determined structure to these things. I'll, uh, just wait over here until you're ready.
Si: Well now I just feel all self-conscious and stuff!
God: Sorry, were you talking to me? I started to nod off there. Say again?
Si: I was about to agree, again, that yeah, I am frustrated.
God: And why's that?
Si: Couldn't You tell me?
God: Do we have to go through this again?
Si: You mean the part where I ask You to answer my questions and then You get all holier-than-thou on me and turn it around so that I end up answering my own questions?
God: Yeah, that bit.
Si: No, I suppose we don't.
God: Good then. So, why are you frustrated?
Si: I suppose, in a nutshell, too many roles.
God: How many?
Si: Well, if I can label them, I'd say: bread winner, house keeper, handy man (which I'm not, really), pooper scooper, maid, father, husband, friend... More than that, really, but those are the ones that pop up in my head, like, NOW!
God: So, what... you wanna lose some of them there roles?
Si: Not so much lose some of them as perform less of the ones I don't like and more of the ones that I do!
God: If you don't like doing some of them, why did you start in the first place?
Si: Well, somebody had to do it!
God: When did you change your name?
Si: Huh?
God: I thought it was Simon, not Somebody. Correct me if I'm wrong. I've been around for a while, I'm bound to make a mistake eventually.
Si: You know what I mean! I mean, well, some of them I started and then they just sort of snowballed, you know? To the point where they've become a little overwhelming and more of an obligation than something I really want to do.
God: So why not just stop?
Si: That obligation I just mentioned. There are real live people counting on me now. Abandoning that would be far worse than keeping going like I am.
God: So you started something -- or a few somethings, whatever -- they got bigger than what you may have expected, you're working harder than what you'd like, and now you're frustrated that all this stuff you wanted to do isn't quite exactly what you want to do right now since some of the stuff -- the funner stuff -- has been neglected or reduced? Am I getting that right?
Si: Well... sorta, yeah!
God: So what do you want Me to do about it?
Si: Um, Divine intervention?
God: Nope, sorry. Stopped doing that a couple millennia ago. I raise ONE GUY from the dead and you wouldn't believe some of the things that people have done in My Name since then. From here on in I'm stickin' to benevolent obscurity. Still, I figure it'll be at least as long again before you guys stop blaming Me for all the shit you do to yourselves. Especially with the cloud of Fear some of your religious leaders insist on dancing about to maintain.
Si: So what, not a big fan of Benedict?
God: Eggs, yes. Pope, that's a different discussion. I thought we were talking about your recalcitrance towards obligation?
Si: We, uh, hadn't gotten quite to that next stage.
God: Well, I'm pushing you a smidge. I've got an appointment in half an hour to go and disabuse Lu of certain notions of subjugation. You know, esotericky 'God Stuff'. Most of which, incidentally, are '-ations' of one sort or another. So, back to your oblig.
Si: You're saying I'm recalcitrant about my obligations?
God: Hell yeah! You start something, it takes a bit of a left turn and all of a sudden you want to divest yourself of any and all responsibility. Seen it a million times before. And by that I mean in the last minute or two. I get around.
Si: Well what can I do about that, then? They're not just going to go away and I can't just stop!
God: You can stop being frustrated about it.
Si: What!? How?
God: Choose to.
Si: How can I choose to not be frustrated by those things that frustrate me? That doesn't make any sense.
God: Same way I chose not to be frustrated by your split infinitive just now. It's always a matter of choice. Your problem (well, one of them) is that most of these sorts of choices are made totally subconsciously and by rote, from past behaviours. You chose at one point in your past to be frustrated by, whatever, and this time around, instead of stopping and deciding how you wanted to feel about this same or similar situation, you just scrolled through your past behaviours until you found one that matched and decided to feel like that again. Much easier that way, rather than making up your mind.
Si: So it's my fault for feeling frustrated?
God: My Son, it's your fault for feeling all that you do, all the time. And you're perfectly capable of choosing something different, should you so desire. Most of the time, you just don't.
Si: How, then? How do I change how I'm feeling?
God: I just said: Choose. Change by choosing.
Si: Let's say my wife dies. Can I choose, then, not to feel grief?
God: It wouldn't be very healthy, but yes you could. Or, you could choose to feel grief, mourn her in a manner appropriate to you, and then choose to live your own life to its fullest potential. That's the great thing about choice: options.
Si: Doesn't sound very easy.
God: Oh Christ, Simon, I never said this was going to be easy! Life is not easy. Life is a whole lot of things, all great and wonderful things, but it's not easy.
Si: This is starting to sound like one of our last conversations.
God: That's because I'm going to keep pounding this shit into you until you finally get it, or it kills Me. And then I'll just raise Myself and keep pounding again. There's no escape for you, my Son.
Si: What if I don't want to escape?
God: Then there's hope for you yet.
Si: Thanks. I'll choose not to be offended by that remark.
God: That's My boy!
In all of my 49-plus years, I must recognize your brain as one of the most fascinating and entertaining. And you, on top of all that, impart wisdom and knowledge! From this day forward, when I refer to you, it will be as Simon the Wonderkind.
PS You are officially absolved of your Friend Responsibilities until further notice, from this corner anyway. Pour your energies into some other, more enjoyable, venue.
Posted by: Linda | Monday, 16 January 2006 at 03:14 PM