Acceptable levels of squalour

How squalid is too squalid? 

(And isn't that just fun to say? -- SQUALID!  Like calamari with a flip-top head.)

How thick does the cake of frozen dog pee out the back door have to be before I feel obliged to attack it with the scraper??

Never mind the fact that now it's been above freezing for the past few days (bloody unseasonably!) and that cake of ice pee is now a slushy puddle that gets tracked in through the dog door, up over the mats at the back door, and added to the fractal trail that leads over the hardwood, through the kitchen and onto the blessedly dark carpet in the living room.

If ignorance is bliss, bienvenue a Utopia, mes amis.

I want, really badly, to establish some palatable middle ground in the hopeless war against entropy in the Fraser house.  This see-sawing back and forth is beginning to piss me off.  (See how that relates to the introductory paragraph?  Yeah baby!)

Fresh bedding is all well and good until the paw prints begin appearing... minutes after making the bed.  And we're sure as hell not going to change them right away!  'Twould be admitting defeat!  That previous utopia is harder to maintain when the duvet cover is a tasteful cream to the rather more feculent brown that parades across it.  How many prints do you need before finally feeling obliged to change?  Or do you just flip it over and descend again into ignorance?  Questions like these arise frequently.

It's not just the dogs, mind.  Though they are the guiltiest offenders.  They create quite the tasteful double-layer effect with nose prints on the living room windows.  One set at Jack Russell height, one at Boxer.  And grubby toddler hand prints in between.

Amy and I have largely given up.  Why just the other night, as our pasta was nearly done cooking, I took a noodle out to sample.  There stood the boy, hands raised expectantly.  As I proffered him the wooden spoon with the noodle cooled to taste, the noodle made a final leap for its life to the floor.  Undeterred, Declan scooped it from the floor (observing the 5-second rule) and popped it in his mouth with a satisfied, "Mmmmm!"  Amy and I shared a glance that expressed the same thought:  When was this floor cleaned last?  Finished off with a resigned, Oh well, what doesn't kill him...

Encrusted breakfast remnants on the kitchen table (Declan's side); hot chocolate stains down one arm of the sofa; various unmentionables in various areas of the living room carpet; paint splotches in discrete places from two years ago; an unkempt, unfinished basement cum storage area; and of course the backyard doodie minefield about which I've lamented before.  Always fun in the spring.  Each day brings new melted scatological discoveries!!

Dishes left too long on the counter.  Laundry waiting to the point where I am forced to wear my 'Season's Greetings!  Happy Holidays!' boxer briefs... OUT OF SEASON!!  It has happened.  Not frequently, but it has.  Don't get me started on my 'Lucky Irish' boxers.

There is a place where I can find balance.  I dangle therein from time to time.  Maybe I just need to add a little more rum to my eggnog over the next couple weeks.

Sun Tzu espouses the need, when at war, to know thine enemy. 

In this unrelenting battle against entropy I have come to know mine enemy: and he is me.

Comments

[Mark]

A subject I can relate to with shame and self-deprecating (didn't say self-defecating) humour. Change poopie diaper, wrap poopie diaper in plastic grocery bag, tie the top closed, and toss it on the back step. When three or four pile up, I finally break down and make the 15-second walk to the trash can by the back gate, dodging doggie mines all the way. Problem here is, we often hit 70 degrees in December (like today), so neither the diapers nor the mines stay frozen enough to knock out the smell.

[fv]

Remember the Red Dwarf rule: you can double the lifespan of clean underwear by turning them inside out...

[Linda (JuJu's Mom)]

This was funny. And sounds oh-so-real, which is why I don't have pets. Ewww....
I can put up with any mess from the grandkids though. Of course unless they start shedding...
Got my own blog now if you want to drop by.
Hope you had a wonderful Holiday!