I've mentioned on this site a couple of times that in the summer of 2003, I dislocated my kneecap in the midst of a rousing game of Farmball. (And bloody, f--king hell, it hurt!)
Since that game is only familiar to a few select individuals (known collectively as The Superfriends), I have here likened it in passing to soccer played in a farm yard without any rules. Which is a bit misleading. That's like, uh, likening Germany's WWII blitzkrieg invasion of Poland to 'an unexpected offensive'. Essentially true, but a little euphemistic.
This Saturday, August 20th, is my friend Chris's wedding. I also got married in August. It was at Chris's farm that I dislocated my kneecap playing Farmball. This serendipitous confluence of thought has led me to reminisce on the genesis of the game and to the conclusion that a more detailed explanation is necessary.
Below is the full Email I received from Chris in May of 2002, just days after the creation of the game of Yardball. Farmball is the bastard love-child of Yardball, played in a farm yard instead of a yard yard. I hope you can follow the logic there.
A thorough understanding of the details below may lead to some enlightenment as to the root cause of my injury, as well as some consternation surrounding exactly why there aren't more injuries like it.
(This picture is one of many I took while seated court-side with a bag of frozen peas on my elevated knee. I injured myself early enough in the game for it to continue upon return from the hospital. Note the Official Pink Farmball in flight. I was injured centre-frame, right between the horse water trough and the red Chevy pickup: Official Farmball Obstacles.)
(And yes, everyone involved in the creation and propagation of this game is currently in their early 30s.)
THE E-MAIL
I'm taking a great liberty here in introducing you to a game Andrew, Darcy, Todd and I created this weekend...'Yard Ball'. Simply put, I was probably the first to have time to send email since the game was created on Saturday so feel free to correct or add input as you see fit, fellas.
Yard Ball background:
Yard Ball was created on May 18th, 2002 when a few chums of Andrew began kicking an unwieldy plastic ball around his back yard, endangering his eldest daughter Sarah. Within an hour (once the allure of the sandbox had lost it's power over Darcy) two goal areas had been established at opposite ends of the yard giving a semblance of soccer. One team kicked the ball repeatedly into the area Sarah was playing, and the other did their best to keep it from felling her. Suggestions for 'rules' occurred randomly, and Yard Ball was born.
Yard Ball lingo:
Court: Area of play; a backyard.
Willy Nilly: When the ball is kicked into Hell's Island, 3 'willy nillies' must be spoken before an attacker may enter to challenge the ball retriever.
Hell's Island: Tree in the southwest corner of the court, by the garage.
Branch Corner: Southeastern extension of the court, beside the hockey net.
Back '40: Northwestern extension of the court, by the beer.
Gibbleknocker: A move worth half a point, occurring when the ball is kicked through the mini-slide.
Purple: The smaller, purple plastic beach ball type ball.
Blue: The larger, blue plastic beach ball type ball (2 feet in diametre). Except when blue is deflated, then 'Blue' is actually 'Purple', except called 'Blue'.
The Man from Branch Corner: Todd
The area of play, or the 'court', is an enclosed back yard. The 'nets' are approx. 7 feet wide, and shoulder height marked by your imagination. In this case we used the chain link fence and from the bucket to the 1st chair set. All over the court are various obstacles including the swing set, a bench, 2 sets of hair salon chair/benches, a fire pit, many trees, a barbeque, patio lanterns, turtle sand box, slide, and patio furniture. There are other factors, such as Sarah the moving target.
The premise of the game is like soccer, except using beach balls that ricochet off everything and using little to no strategy.
There are a few twists thrown in as well:
1. If it touches your hands, the opposing team gets a free kick from that spot...often 3 feet from you net.
2. If the ball is kicked out of bounds the offender must swing on the swings, while one volunteer retrieves the ball and the rest of the players relax on the salon chairs. The volunteer who has retrieved the ball has the honour of either kicking or throwing it back into play themselves.
3. On kickoffs, the team with the ball must set up. There are 2 roles. The kicker lounges on the salon chairs until the ball approaches. The other player rolls the ball down the slide towards the kicker. At their convenience, the kicker rises and kicks the ball. The defenders place one person in the net, and the other at midpoint on the court facing backwards. They may try to block the shot as they see fit.
4. Kicking the ball into one of the basket swings is worth an honourable mention.
This game is amazingly fun. Our last tourney was a series of 3, named The Blue Ball Challenge. I think we played this for 3 hours, plus some full field soccer with 4 people, 500 w/ a football, hackeysack, and 'tag' on a playground. My arms hurt today. Like I said it's fun, entertaining, crazy by the light of patio lanterns and I must say Sarah is wonderfully indestructible. Read up, and be ready for the next time we play!
Chris
PS. This game may be played while enjoying beverages, but is not suggested. Running a lot kind of mixed up the milkshake, iced tea, slurpee, and beer in our stomachs.
I don't believe you ever go to work. I think in Canada people just drink beer and Slurpees and play D&D and Yardball.
Posted by: Jenn | Friday, 19 August 2005 at 08:12 AM
Dammit, Jenn, you've sussed us out!
Posted by: Simon | Friday, 19 August 2005 at 09:13 AM