"There are two kinds of people I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch."
That quote, from Austin Powers in Goldmember, takes an irreverent approach to a topic that raises my ire more easily than almost any other.
Last month was my company's annual golf tournament and, given how infrequently I feel obliged to dust off my second-hand set of clubs, I was reminded of some of the more recent opportunities I've had to demonstrate my vaunted inability on the golf course. One particular round last summer (yes, that is a 'recent' round for me) had me golfing with a trio of men about the same age of my father. All good friends and regular partners on the links.
As is customary after a round, we repaired to the clubhouse to share in some beverages and make good on the wagering that had taken place on the course. Suffice to say that I had elected not to partake in any betting, given that the other three gents golfed in the 80s and my score would have won me an NBA match.
That was the same weekend that Tiger Woods and Vijay Singh were competing in whatever tournament that resulted in a win for Vijay. Said victory also nudged Vijay into the coveted position of Number One Golfer In The World, by whatever ranking system is used, I know not, supplanting Tiger from his record-setting run of fifty gajillion consecutive weeks as Numero Uno.
Given that the round was being televised in the clubhouse at the time, conversation around the table invariably meandered to the impressive achievement by Vijay. At a brief lull, the man with whom I had shared a golf cart offered, "Well, I guess it doesn't really much matter. The title's just going from one nigger to another. I'm just saying; you know what I mean?"
I sat there, silent, offering no response other than a slightly disapproving frown and a couple long seconds of eye contact with the man who had ventured his opinion so blatantly. While in my head I was going, "What the f-ck kind of ignorant tit are you, you middle-aged, red-necked ass?!"
I spent a couple weeks thinking back to that event, each time feeling angry all over again. It took that long to realise that I was mostly pissed at my choice of actions. Inaction. I have no direct control over others' words or actions, but my response is completely up to me. My intent at the time was to avoid uncomfortable confrontation, so I just sat quietly like a good boy.
Everyone has in their character the potential for both Mother Theresa and Adolf Hitler; the Yin and the Yang of human tolerance and compassion. We are all of us a multi-faceted product resulting from an eclectic mix of predisposition, upbringing and intent. The degree to which we consciously exercise the latter has the greatest effect on how we are perceived by others.
Something I've striven towards for a long time is improving how I perceive myself since I know for a fact that it quite often comes at the expense of the opinions of others. My striving, therefore, has frequently been more trepidatious than I would have liked. A reticence I intend to change to more ingenuousness. And that right quick.
It is a bit of a conundrum. I didn't quite understand; were the three close friends of yours, or close friends of each other, with you added to make up the foursome?
I look back on my own words from time to time. Most recently, I made that comment about asking a Chinese tourist to take our picture at Niagara on the Lake, that I now look back on and think, "that wasn't very nice."
Posted by: Paul | Thursday, 21 July 2005 at 01:08 PM
Paul I know that comment you are refering to and no, it was not a mean thing. I took it to mean "you are a tourist when you grab some body and ask them to take your picture" not that you were stereotyping Chinese/Japanese as always carrying cameras and taking pictures.
As you may or may not know I work at the African-American Research Library in Fort Lauderdale. I get lots of surprised looks from people, what is a 40 year old white guy doing here? And when I have to act the "man in charge" I get that backlash.
When you have been on the receiving end then you KNOW how it feels and why it is not a good thing to do to other people.
Simon, there are lots of times that we talk at work about that difference also. I had to smile the other day when one of the teenage boys said that "you are the nicest white guy I every met". He did not think he was being racist, he was pointing out the big difference he saw between us.
It is the spirit of the comment not the words.
Posted by: BOB | Friday, 22 July 2005 at 11:57 AM