Bob and weave and clench

It has now been empirically determined that there are but two ways for a man, in a house with two dogs and a chronically curious toddler, to pee.

Regardless of whether or not there is, as Eddie Murphy put it so succinctly, a 'big brown shark' coming, he may sit.  Alternatively, and this must be attended to with unceasing vigilance, he may close the door, tightly, and pass water in the more natural masculine milieu.

There is nothing quite so unnerving as hearing, and subsequently seeing, a stampeding herd of 12 limbs come galloping into a lavatory, carome off the linen closet and swerve unerringly for the only biped in the room who is, it can be said somewhat euphemistically, confined to a rather compromising position.

That is a lesson best learned but once.