Unsolicited advice about boys:

A couple of items I wanted to share before they abandon my memory for a safer haven:

1. If you are watching television at home alone with your son and a commercial break comes on where there is a momentary silence that is notably NOT punctuated by the noise of said son, please do go and look to see what he is getting into.  He has likely found his way to the bathroom and is inappropriately dabbling his hands in the toilet water, thinking it great fun.  He will then most likely need to be bathed.
   
   (Please note that if the boy in question is significantly older than my 13 month old son and is dabbling in the toilet, you probably have greater concerns than that of being a semi-negligent parent.)


2. When you wake up at 4.30 in the morning to the sound of a seal barking in the room next to you, please do not attempt to roll over and go back to sleep, thinking it all a strange dream.  The likelihood of your infant son having acquired an esophageal infection of some sort is far greater than that of a disgruntled marine mammal abandoning the confines of the local zoo to seek asylum in your abode.
   
   (It may also cross your mind that number two is, in some incomprehensible way, connected to number one.  Yes, the thought occurred to me as well.  ...sigh...)

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And speaking of strange dreams, I unwontedly recall one from last night where my wife, my son and I are driving down some unknown stretch of highway, forest to either side, and approach a traffic jam.  As we near the cause of the slow-down, we see a sloth of bears (for such is the appropriate collective noun, dontcha know) blocking the road.  Upon closer inspection, they are evidently feasting on the carcass of some unfortunate animal.  Upon even closer examination, as we coast by in our vehicle, it turns out that the remnants of the beastie that the bears are savaging are those of a dolphin.

Now what the hell does that mean?!

Comments

[Tina]

This is easy, Simon ..It means that you thought you were moving toward a lovely holiday at some tropical paradise, until your stocks dropped in value, and all your vacation profits were eaten up. Tina