The MAN of the house

There is little I will not do to defend my home and loved ones from the unwelcome invasion of outside forces; no matter how seemingly small and unobtrusive.

I was about to close the living room drapes last night when I noticed, on the tie-back of one of them, a diminutive fuzzy shape, noticably shaded in black and yellow.  It was a very fearsome bumble-bee!!

Simon: Hey look, Hon, there's a bee in the house.

Amy: Where!

S: Over there on the drapes.  *Walks away towards the kitchen.*

A: What are you going to do?

S: I'm gonna get a kleenex and squish it.

A: Awwww, no sweetie; put the poor thing outside!

S: **sigh**  Sure thing, Hon.

*Grabs facial tissue, forms hollow 'capture cavity', and returns to the bee's roost.  Snatches bee from off the drapes in the inescapable, yet very humane, Tissue Trap (patent pending).*

BEE:  WTF?!?!  I was just sitting here, minding my own beeswax, getting ready to snooze, even, when some great lunk up and disturbs me, hauls me bodily into some freakin' sac without so much as a by-your-leave and expects me to be all docile about it?  You're not getting me without a fight, Mister!

S: OWWWW!!!!

A: You're serious?!  It stung you?  Through the kleenex?

S: *Inimical glare*  Can you hear that?  *Holds angrily buzzing bee up to wife's ear in aforementioned inescapable Tissue Trap.  Gives bee a good shakin'.*

I then bravely flung the tissue out the back door and watched for the bee to, uh, buzz off.  I disposed of the Tissue Trap and returned to living room where my thumb proceeded to throb amazingly painfully for the next fifteen minutes.

There is now a tiny red dot on the tip of my thumb as all the physical proof of last night's fearsome encounter.  I almost wish I HAD squished it.  Almost.

...and there is apparently very little about which I will not post here, no matter how mundane...

Comments

[Paula]

Once in university a wasp's nest on our house was sprayed and many dozy, toxic wasps made their way into our house to die. Not only did I get stung (and swelled up from fingertip to elbow) but a male friend of one of my roommates failed to look before sitting in the bathroom, resulting in quite a somewhat more embarrassing (embareassing?) puncture. With none of Amy's kindheartedness, we took to whacking wasps with great enthusiasm.

Where were you when we needed a knight in shining armour? :)

Paula

[wil]

In this instance, the bee died anyway - the very act of stinging assures their demise. So next time, if you can't do the capture with a jar and then release the bee after dark, you might as well squish it...