That Zamboni come with a handbasket?

I quote here the opening paragraph from a front page article in today's local paper:

Canada is a "great white waste of time" whose "docile, Zamboni-driving," Molson-sucking citizens consume seal casseroles as they export terrorism, mad cow disease, "and even deadlier Gordon Lightfoot and Nickelback albums" to the United States, American media reports suggested last week.

This (somewhat satirical) information comes in light of recent allegations that Canada has a somewhat porous border that has been and is still used by terrorist cells for easy access to the United States.  It's nice to know that the Great White North is held in such high esteem by certain media outlets south of the 49th.

Given that 'journalistic integrity' and 'American media' are becoming rather mutually exclusive terms in this enlightened 21st century, I am more than certain that I will sleep soundly this evening.  After I finish my second helping of seal casserole, that is.  I like mine smothered in humpback whale blubber.