Simian Farmer: Pet peeves (part 1)

For some reason, I was thinking about some of the random things that bother me lately. They don't bother me lately, the bother me all the time; I have just been thinking of them lately. I should have been a little clearer there.

'Schedule' - please pronouce the first three letters as you would in 'school'. This has always grated on me.
Escalators - just because they're moving stairs doesn't mean that you have to feel obligated to stand and wait for the magical staircase to transport you to the top. Were it an actual set of stairs, you would have the locomotive means to carry yourself to the top; an escalator is more an opportunity to travel more efficiently than stationary stairs allow. I realize this means that about 90% of the people who use escalators irritate me. So be it. Allowances made for esteemed seniors, parents with small children and others for whom climbing the stairs would be more difficult than waiting.
'Impact' - this one's even worse than 'schedule'. 'Impact' is a noun, not a verb. (Well, it does technically have a definition as a transitive verb, but I don't like it at all.) And 'impacted' should only be used when referring to wisdom teeth or the effect that meteors have on planetary or lunar surfaces and what happened to Red Leader when he fired his proton torpedoes at the Death Star's ventilation shaft.
And Dictionary dot com has this to say:

Usage Note: The use of impact as a verb meaning “to have an effect” often has a big impact on readers. Eighty-four percent of the Usage Panel disapproves of the construction to impact on, as in the phrase social pathologies, common to the inner city, that impact heavily on such a community; fully 95 percent disapproves of the use of impact as a transitive verb in the sentence Companies have used disposable techniques that have a potential for impacting our health. ·It is unclear why this usage provokes such a strong response, but it cannot be because of novelty. Impact has been used as a verb since 1601, when it meant “to fix or pack in,” and its modern, figurative use dates from 1935. It may be that its frequent appearance in the jargon-riddled remarks of politicians, military officials, and financial analysts continues to make people suspicious. Nevertheless, the verbal use of impact has become so common in the working language of corporations and institutions that many speakers have begun to regard it as standard. It seems likely, then, that the verb will eventually become as unobjectionable as contact is now, since it will no longer betray any particular pretentiousness on the part of those who use it.

Comb overs - I have never, and I really, really, really mean never, seen any single man that looks good with his hair combed over his bald spot. My maternal grandfather had a comb over. I always thought it looked a little goofy. I don't know where I first heard the term 'Winnipeg Whip', but it aptly describes what happens when the gangly length of hair is caught in an expected gust of wind. It never looks good; all you're doing is broadcasting your insecurity. If you're losing the do, don't try to hide it; go Picard.
Television - As a tool that has not nearly lived up to its potential, this one is hard to beat. Soap operas, reality tv, 95% of sitcoms, hell, 95% of all programming. I'd say that soaps are a major contributing factor to North American obesity. The daytime tv-watching masses are like a sluggish stream: following the path of least resistance. It's so much easier to park one's posterior on the chesterfield and vegetate until the spouse comes home. If it's not news or Discovery Channel, I'm making disparaging comments. (This is not to say that I, too, have not been a willing victim at times. Sweet lure of the idiot box.) Mind you, Discovery is catering more these days to lemming-vision than it used to. It's a broad brush stroke, which most times I am loath to use, but I'll go so far as to say that television sucks. Homer Simpson had it right when he stood up angrily and started banging on the side of his tv, "Stupid TV! Be more funny!"

That's good for now. I need to go away and think positive thoughts so I don't get overly immured in certain of my peeves. I really am a fairly positive person, these things only bother me in passing.