I was bathing my son last night while my darling wife was out for about an hour or so. This has become a nightly ritual and one of my favourite domestic pasttimes. Upon coming home, Amy made an unexpected comment...
Bathing Declan was, at first, a little awkward. He had next to no motor control, his head was completely dead weight and whether or not we used the small plastic baby tub or the 'real-person' tub, I always seemed to be short at least one hand for proper control. Not to mention that he seemed a little ill at ease in the water.
This dilemma was solved one night - thankfully not very long after birth - when I just decided to get into the big tub with the boy and splash around for half an hour. The plastic tub was relegated to storage and a bi-nightly ritual was born. Given that my darling wife spends each waking hour with our son while I am at work, this gave me the distinct opportunity to bond with my son all by our lonesomes. He could float amicably at the front of the tub, supported under head and buttocks, free to flail his limbs to his heart's content. He always looked surprised when he splashed himself in the face; but went on, undeterred.
I quickly discovered how much easier it was to bathe him while splayed across my lap, both of my hands free to lather the many creases he was developing. I coined the term 'neck-floss' for the process of see-sawing his wash cloth betwixt and between the many chins he was developing, wherein would fester a horrid smelling cheesy substance if left untended for more that two days.
Removal from my lap and further flailing in the bath water was all that was needed for a good rinse. I then became quickly adept at clutching my son while very carefully standing up in the tub.
This is all a prelude to the fact that, since Declan is sitting up by himself now, he spends his time in the big tub, every night, by himself with his dad hovering over the edge, cloth in hand and Winnie the Pooh squirty thingy at the ready. He's still surprised sometimes when he splashes himself, but is still undeterred.
...Amy commented on how she was concerned that our son may have a small penis. Being a man, I'm sure you can imagine how this stopped me in my tracks and caused me to pull my attention away from our bathing son and focus on her with a look of consternation. She elucidated that she had been watching TV earlier in the week and saw a baby boy being bathed whose 'unit' was larger than our son's.
Let me say that there is probably nearly as much diversity in the size of men's penises as there is in women's breasts. Some are larger, some are smaller, and the majority are residents of the middle ground. The huge difference here, of course, is the fact that men do not walk around all day with the size of their manhood emblazoned on their chest for all to see. There is far more enigma surrounding the penis than there is associated with breasts.
Add to this several other factors: infants aren't fully developed and will not look proportional for some years to come; circumcision comes into play - a circumcised penis, when flaccid, will quite often appear longer on average since the process of circumcision pulls more of the shaft out from the torso. And, if you've ever seen that infamous episode of Seinfeld, there is always the 'shrinkage' factor. A man's 'twig and berries' are both very sensitive to temperature; a man in touch with his body never needs a thermometre.
(An aside here in that I feel compelled to express my views on what I see to be the unnecessary cruelty of circumcision; all due respect to certain religious practices. I view it to be only marginally less cruel than female curcumcision, which is a practice, unfortunately still observed by some, that horrifies me completely.)
So to answer my wife's question: Our son is perfectly proportioned for his age and will develop into an equally well-proportioned man.
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